Stiled Thunder
by ocean-view-luffy
Summary: Lavi joins the order and meets Kanda. Yet something is familiar about him, or could it be they've already met! Kanda's search for that "someone" was an alias Lavi had long ago. Can Lavi live with being around Kanda with out telling his secret? Lavi/Kanda
1. The beggining of the end

Stilled Thunder- Lavi/Kanda

It was many years before the story you are most familiar with enveloped you. The age where the Earl first started to creep his hand over the world. Akuma were the pride and future of his dream, and the world was his to take. Innocence was causing paranormal phenomena's more than usual. This is the very beginning of the tale you are about to read. Follow with careful footsteps as we trace our way to Japan. The first infiltration of akuma. The first dawn of blood.

Early dawn broke as a ten year old child ran down the dirt roads of Kamakura, Japan. He turned around a bend quickly, letting his long blue locks flutter in the cool breeze. "Ikari-san! Ikari-san!" he called out. From behind the old house he's arrived at, a boy the same age as him popped out. "Yuu-chan!" he exclaimed, running towards his friend.

Kanda Yuu's one and only friend, Ikari , stopped to catch his breath. "Yuu…Yuu-chan" he huffed. Kanda smiled and reached into his pocket . "H…here. You know how my dad is a silversmith? Well he's teaching me. I made this on my own, and I want you to have it." Ikari's face lit up with a giant smile as he took the cloth wrapped parcel from Kanda. "Oh, wow" he marveled. He glanced down at the small item he was given. It was a neatly shaped oval mirror, made out of shining silver. Ikari moved his fingers along the detailed etched edges. The images of lotuses passing under his thumb and forefinger felt odd, yet comforting.

The boy gazed down into the mirror, looking with a pang of sadness at the red haired figure looking back at him. Kanda put a hand on Ikari's shoulder. "I almost forgot to ask. How's your grandfather?" the blue haired boy asked, making Ikari look up suddenly. "Oh, oh he's fine. Um, just a little cough. The doctor said everything is ok!" he explained rather quickly before stowing the mirror away in his pocket. Kanda put a finger on his lips before turning away "Don't tell your grandfather about that, I know he doesn't like it when you get gifts." Ikari nodded. "Sure thing ,Yuu-chan!"

Ikari felt his red hair sway back and forth in the breeze that was passing over that dawn. His first gift, so precious. So forbidden. The warmth the gift had given him started to bring him great fear. Almost as if sensing his friend's fear, Kanda turned around and smiled at Ikari. "Hey, don't look so suspicious. You're my best friend, remember? I'm here for you" the blue haired boy comforted. Ikari nodded, holding back a few tears. He watched Kanda walk away, fully knowing it would be the last time he would ever see his friend again.

Ikari sat on his bed sadly, looking down into the mirror he'd been given. The most painful of household objects mocked him as his eyes danced over the one named Ikari. Why is my reflection someone I don't know? A sudden click of his bedroom door startled Ikari, and he hid the mirror in the folds of his bed sheets. "Ikari, it's time to go." a voice sounded.

And elderly man stepped into the room. His eyes black with makeup and his height, I guess you can say, wasn't very tall. Ikari stood up. "I understand, bookman" he said, trying to hide the feeling of regret consuming him. The short, oriental man glared at him. "You did it again didn't you. You got emotionally attached to someone. Haven't I told you about this?!" he scolded, watching his student cringe. Ikari brought his hands up to shield his face. "Y-yes sir, you have. B-but it was all in character! My alias has a best friend." he said, trying to weave out of the situation. Bookman looked down at the cringing boy. "Lately it seems like all your aliases have best friends. Stop using your identities as an excuse to socialize. That's how one sided history is recorded." he spat.

Ikari tried his hardest not to cry. The one thing that being a bookman required, was that you cut off emotional bonds. In the same way it was killing him, since children yearn for a shared bond to make it through their early years. This was one of many times Ikari fell for companionship. Each time, he left a part of himself with the severed friendship, and left in tears. This would be no different. "I'm getting really tired of doing this, Ikari, I really am. We're going to fake your death"

The young red head look up in horror. "W-what?" he asked. He prayed he didn't hear what he thought was spoken. "We are going to erase our existence, and you are going to leave that boy, Kanda, behind. Don't expect everything to be this easy. You're lucky he's just a stupid kid". Ikari felt anger swell up inside him, and he clenched his fists in rage. " Kanda is not stupid! He's my-"

"Friend?"

The word caught the bookman in training by surprise as he realized what he'd confessed to. Unsure of what to answer, he hung his head glumly and let the tears roll down his face. He hoped this time it would be different. He hoped this time, just maybe, he would find a home. He hoped, wished, and prayed that Kanda was that home. But hoping and praying is worthless. He was bound by his decision ,and the chains wrapped around his heart were loose enough for him to let someone in. Loose enough for him to get hurt.

"Let's go…." he sniffed, picking up his bags. He waited until bookman left to room to retrieve the mirror. Maybe this wouldn't be his home, but this time he'll carry a piece of that broken dream with him.

Ikari never wanted to wipe the slate clean.

Kanda felt tears pouring down his face as he stood outside the remains of the old house Ikari once lived in. His hair was disheveled and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Kanda dug his finger nails deeper into the dirt as more hot tears spilled over from his eyes. The long silky blue locks now clung desperately to his cheeks, and draped over his face.

"Why. Why, Ikari?" he coughed. The smoking ruins of the house screamed akuma attack. There were pentacles splattered all over the walls, cracked windows, a small fire fizzling out in the back round. The boy pounded his fist into the dirt to vent out his anger and frustration . Kanda Yuu was once again alone. The "death" of "Ikari" wasn't taken lightly. He shut himself up in his room for days. Not eating, not sleeping, not even wasting energy to cry. While the tears had passed and the sobbing didn't ring through out the town, Kanda felt dead inside. The part of him that was happy had disappeared. In it's place was anger and sadness.

A month after Ikari's death, Kanda Yuu emerged from his quarters. Deathly thin, angry at the world and sleep deprived. His thinking almost drove him to the brink of insanity, and Kanda often found himself imagining ways to die. The night he emerged from the room, he trudged to the sacred temple high on the hills. Looking around desperately, he went over to a Buddha statue meant to cure illnesses. Kanda reached for the ladle to pour water over the serine Buddha , and filled it. The blue haired boy sadly poured water over his protector and proceeded to pray. Bowing he muttered lowly to himself. "I can't do this on my own. Please, please, take this pain from me. How do I know how much time there is until I can meet Ikari in death?" The Buddha's expression was no comfort. Kanda's father was a Buddhist, but his mother a Catholic from western Europe. Kanda sighed, he often got the two religions mixed up. "Oh right, there's a heaven in God's kingdom. But, Buddha, what do you do for those who seek your help?" he asked.

And then it happened. A strange green light diverted Kanda's view from the Buddha statue. It was a blooming lotus. The lotus was surrounded by this strange green light. The boy ran up to it anxiously, and reached out to touch it. Immediately the flower reacted and the light grew stronger. Kanda watched as the flowers became imprisoned in a hourglass, and floated in the middle. He turned to the statue in surprise. "Is this, all the time I have?" he asked, unsure if it was really true. A great gust of wind rose up and it pushed the hour glass into Kanda's hands. He looked down at it, his blue hair falling over his eyes. "Thank you, Buddha"

--

Not long after Kanda obtained the lotus, did a strange traveler appear. A man named General Tiedoll. In his search for those compatible with innocence, he questioned Kanda about "monster attacks" in the village. Kanda looked up "I don't know. I month ago, my friend's house was destroyed strangely. He died there, we figure, because everyone's afraid of the house now. It looks wicked and sinned." he said. General Tiedoll motioned for his two other students, Daisya and Marie, to follow.

"This is very strange. Although it looks like there was an Akuma attack, there are no actual signs that anyone died inside." the kind general said, looking around inside. Kanda looked up slightly confused. "Akuma? What are those?" The general took out his sketch pad and roughly drew a level one. "Most look like this. They're monsters made by the Earl of Millennium. They're skeletons that capture a dead person's soul, and wear the skin of whatever family member or friend called them back. Which is another odd thing…." he trailed off.

"I spoke to your Mother, Kanda-san. It seems this was a good friend of yours. You locked yourself in your room for a month without food or anything. So why is it the Earl didn't sense your pain and suffering , and come to turn you into an akuma?" he asked. Daisya looked around. "General, there's no human blood, or sand. There's only Akuma pentacles. But no other exorcists were in this town for the past year." he said, after asking how many other travelers were here.

Marie sat in the corner quietly. "I don't hear any akuma for miles. This town is unknown to the Earl. There are no Akuma here. And a month ago we were near this town, I would've heard more Akuma." Kanda looked and the three. "So what does this mean?" he asked. The information was swirling in his head rapidly. It seemed anymore would make him burst. Tiedoll put away the sketch pad and placed a hand on Kanda's shoulder.

"Well, Yuu, we think that maybe, just maybe, your friend is alive"

The blue haired child felt emotions he hadn't felt since his friend's death. Joy, that his best friend might be alive. Soon followed by fear. What if the lotus ran out before then? No, No he wasn't going to die unless he found Ikari.

He wasn't going to die unless he found that person

General Tiedoll placed a warm hand on the child's shoulder. "What do you say, Yuu?"

"Don't call me that, please, only…only Ikari can call me that" Kanda said, reserving his first name for his friend. "But, I'll become an exorcist. I trust you'll teach me everything I need to know?" Kanda said, looking at his new master and two teammates. Daisya smiled. "Welcome!" he cheered. Marie just nodded to himself and stood up.

Two days later, Kanda Yuu departed from Kamakura, Japan, and set out for his lifelong goal. To find Ikari, and to face any challenge as long as it meant fulfilling his dream.


	2. Caught!

7 years later…. (one year before Allen arrives and the story begins.)

"Your new alias is Lavi, get used to it." Bookman whispered quietly. "Lavi" watched the water swish by the boat that was rowing to the Order. Mentally counting to himself, this was the 49th alias. Lavi couldn't really remember what his birth name was. Didn't matter though, his birth name was discarded long ago.

"Bookman, are we almost there?" Lavi asked, seeing nothing but the interior of the dark underground waterways. Bookman nodded as they turned a bend. "Here it is. And remember, Lavi, what we're here for. Don't forget." the oriental man lectured. The gondola came to a stop and Lavi hopped out of the vessel. Reaching back in to pull out a small bag with his clothing, he waited for Bookman on the dock. "Ok, let's go." the older man ordered, tromping past the red head.

It was new, and different. The Order seemed to reach the skies and the seventeen year old had to crane his neck to see the vast hallways circling the dome. Sighing deeply, Lavi followed Bookman to Komui's office. Komui and Bookman had a brief meeting on their arrival. After shortly introducing Lavi, Bookman sent him away to look around. "Jeeze, old man, do you want me to leave that badly?" he whined as Bookman pulled him outside by his ear.

Rubbing the sore ear, the red haired teen set out, and traced his steps carefully. "Erm, Hello. May I help you?" a voice sounded from behind him. He turned to see a girl around his age, wearing an exorcist coat , miniskirt, and long boots. "Actually, I just got here. I'm bookman's apprentice, Lavi"

The girl's eyes lit up. "Oh good! I was just sent over to fetch you. I'm Lenalee Lee, Komui's sister" she exclaimed. The green haired, pigtail adorned girl motioned for Lavi to follow her. "I'll show you to your room. All the exorcists live in one place. Over there are the baths and all these doors are private rooms for our exorcists" she said, guiding Lavi around and around the swirling, open center building. Every door looked the same but Lavi ,and his keen eyes , took this time to practice telling doors apart by scratches , dents and other subtle details.

Finally they arrived at a door, which had a few nicks at the bottom, and scratches on the metal doorknob. "Ok, Lavi, here's your room. Just leave your bags in here and I'll show you around a little bit more. Later you can unpack" she said kindly, opening the door to a small room with a window. The red head nodded to Lenalee in thanks and placed his belongings on the bed. Lenalee smiled "You don't have to be so shy, speak up. Tell me about yourself. The order is your home now" she chirped, letting Lavi pass her.

Lavi's one visible green eye looked around warily. "Sorry if my silence was a bit rude Lenalee-chan. Just a long journey." he explained. She smiled kindly. "Then let's go get some food. Jerry- san can cook anything." The halls of the order were neat and clean, and Lavi followed the female exorcist down the long winding hallways. At one point Lenalee pointed to a door and said " Down there is the science department. If you need to get my brother, and he's skipping work, go there and tell Supervisor Reever about it." she explained.

Once and a while, someone would pass the two in the hall. As Lavi pushed some red hair out of his eyes he saw someone pass him abruptly. The other man's long sapphire hair swished against his face and made Lavi gasp a little. Could this be possible? The bandana wearing teen turned to see the person he had just passed. The other man wasn't there. I'm seeing things. It's nothing. A little confused, the bookman in training arrived at the cafeteria and ordered some chicken soup. After receiving his meal from the very energetic chef, he sat down quietly at a table. Lenalee excused herself and went to go bring coffee to the science department.

Almost as if the moment was waiting for him, a voice was heard as the counter. "I'll just have the usual"

Turning to get a good look at he person, Lavi's eye fell upon a teen. Around seventeen, a few inches shorter than he was. Yet he looked so familiar. The red head's eye looked him up and down. The teen definitely had the long blue hair that brushed him earlier. He had a sharp face, that when surrounded by his longs hair gave off a radiant look of feminine beauty. Yet, he was so masculine. The teen's eyes were intense and angry, and his frame was thin, almost as if there was nothing but muscle.

Lavi was sure he had never seen this man before in his life, so why was he so familiar? Jerry placed a hot tray of soba in front of the teen. "Here you go, Kanda-san. Enjoy!" Lavi felt his heart skip a beat. "Kanda Yuu?" he whispered to himself, memories flooding back of his old friend. It almost depressed Lavi to see Kanda this way. The boy who was once very warm and welcoming now had an icy shield surrounding him. The sliver mirror stowed away in Lavi's pocket seemed to grow colder in Kanda's presence. Kanda had changed dramatically since their last meeting. He no longer had the shorter, chin length blue hair and he'd grown very tall. All to soon Lavi felt himself panic.

Kanda stopped in front of Lavi and sat down, eyeing him suspiciously. "You're new here?" he asked coldly. Lavi nodded. "My name is Lavi. I'm here with Bookman" Lavi recited, as so many introductions before. Kanda nodded in understanding. "I'm Kanda Yuu" he said. His sentences were very cold and Lavi shivered at the short abrupt answers. The seventeen year old wasn't sure what to do. The order was fairly large, so he could easily avoid Kanda. But Kanda was once his friend, and the experiences Ikari felt still lingered in Lavi's heart. The slightly (by a couple of months) older teen looked up at Lavi, eyeing him warily. In panic, the bandana wearing man slapped on a goofy grin "Watcha staring at me for, Yuu-chan" he giggled. Alias 49, now seen as an aloof easy going person, keep it up now. Kanda twitched in annoyance. "Listen, kid, don't call me that. I'll let you off for not knowing, but if it happens again I'll use your dead body as a rug." he threatened. Lavi flinched. "S-sorry"

The meal ended later as Kanda cleaned up and left the cafeteria. Who cared about that little threat. Lavi reached into his pocket and felt the mirror. If I call him Yuu-chan, just like back then, will he remember who I am? The red head cleaned up and hurried back t his room. He opened the door with a creak to see Bookman standing by the window. "Gramps, what're you doing here. Shouldn't you be at the panda wildlife preserve?"

SLAP. "Ouch, ah" he winced as the floor hit him hard. Bookman's stare was even more furious now. "It seems we're in a pickle here. I've heard from Komui one of the exorcists residing here is Kanda Yuu. That annoying little brat we shook off earlier."

Lavi tried not to show his anger as Bookman went on. "I want you to be extra careful, not to slip up like last time. This rarely happens and when it does we try hard not to dig any memories up. Ok, Lavi?" he warned. Lavi nodded and let Bookman pass him by. The door shut with a click and Lavi locked it. Looking around the room, Lavi decided where he should hide the mirror while he wasn't dressed in his day clothes. Feeling for loose floorboards, the exorcist pried one open and slipped the sliver trinket into the pocket of space.

It was already nightfall and Lavi lit a candle to dimly light his room. He undressed tiredly and changed into the robes given for those on their way to the bath. He trudged there tiredly and went into the onsen like bath. The early evening rush of people were gone, and no one was in the bath. Glancing at the clock to see it was already 9:30 , Lavi wondered how long it really took him to get here. He soaked in the bath quietly before sloshing over to the fake waterfall. Using the shampoo he had brought, he washed his hair hoping it would wash away the discomfort of traveling too. "Pfft, no tears my butt." he muttered angrily at the label. "Well you're not supposed to put in in your eyes, baka usagi"

Lavi turned his head towards the voice to see Kanda slipping into the bath." Are you everywhere I go today?" he asked sarcastically. Lavi remained silent while Kanda untied his hair from the high ponytail in which it sat. His hair was so long , the last few inches of the silky locks floated on top of the water. Lavi sunk into the bath water shyly as Kanda approached the waterfall. "You're an odd, kid. " he said to Lavi . The red head sat up suddenly and pointed an accusing finger at Kanda. "Me odd? You're style isn't quite the norm, Sir swishy hair!" he joked, splashing Kanda's hair. Kanda shielded himself from the flying water drops and splashed back. "Che. At least I don't wear an eye patch in the steam bath." he gloated. Lavi tapped his eye patch happily. "And eye patch makes me look mysterious. All your hair does is confuse people about which gender you are. If you haven't noticed, you have a very feminine build" the red head ranted joyfully, poking Kanda's pectoral muscle (one of the only things that proved the feminine theory wrong) . Giving a defiant humph, the older teen sloshed away from the bookman apprentice.

"There's only one true way to settle this then" Kanda stated, slightly trailing off at the end. Lavi reached back to find something , anything, to use as a weapon. He knew Kanda, this was a battle for masculinity and anything was used as a weapon. The blue haired teen turned suddenly into battle "Sudden death" he laughed mockingly, squirting Lavi's shampoo at him. Not knowing that Lavi knew it meant war, Kanda was greeted with a ka- thunk as a bar of soap hit his head. Letting out a slight "ugh" Kanda stumbled back a bit. "Oh my goodness, sorry! I thought you would duck, I thought you would duck" Lavi apologized, rushing over to his old friend. Kanda shook his head a bit and looked up. "Don't look so scared, it can't hurt me" he said. Most of the time this kind of stuff happened with finders, doctors, and people who have observed him being injured.

Lavi looked at the spot on the other man's temple. "Are you sure, should we get help?" he asked, imagining how it must've hurt. Lavi reached out to touch the spot of impact, but was stopped by Kanda's arm. "I'm fine. Let me explain" he said calmly. Lavi listened carefully to Kanda's power of quick healing. Kanda looked around and found a razor blade. "Here, here. It's hard for me to explain so just watch." he implied, cutting his finger with a small "slish" . The wound remained open and bleeding for about five seconds before new skin stretched over the injury. Lavi watched in awe as the finger was completely healed. Both of them had been in the bath a while, but only now had it occurred to Lavi that both of them were completely naked. Kind of a stupid thing to realize in an onsen but Lavi started to feel shy as the silence resumed itself. Leaving Kanda alone, he trudged through the water to a nook behind the waterfall to continue bathing. The red haired teen washed any remaining shampoo off him and blushed furiously. This had definitely never happened before. Lavi had been to many public baths, and never felt odd or embarrassed about his nudity. Maybe it was because he felt awkward keeping his former identity from Kanda, that it started to effect his behavior. Peeking out from behind the falls, he saw Kanda at the one opposite from him. He noticed that instead of using shampoo, Kanda used regular old soap in his hair.

"You know, Yuu-chan. Soap isn't very good for you hair." he called out. Kanda gave a small "che" and looked over at Lavi. "Says the baka usagi who's watching me bathe from behind a waterfall." Lavi emerged out from behind the water fall, letting the rivulets of water run through his fiery hair.

Kanda looked over and smirked. "Oh good lord, he's emerged from the lair. What're you going to do, molest me?" Kanda joked, giving the other teen a smug look. Lavi laughed awkwardly. "No, really. Use the shampoo. It's better, and smells nicer" Lavi insisted. He shoved the bottle under the other exorcist's nose. Letting him inhale the scent of strawberries. Smelling the sweet scent, Kanda poured some into his hand and rubbed the shampoo through his hair. The scent got stronger as it bubbled, and Kanda needed another handful to get all of his hair. The blue hair shone extra bright as the bubbles were washed away, and the swordsman headed for his towel. Reaching for the fluffy folded cloth at the edge of the bath, he hoisted himself out and wrapped the towel around his waist. "You're not as dull as you appear, er, what was you're name again?" Kanda asked. Lavi smiled. "Just Lavi." Nodding, Kanda exchanged the towel for the warm robe and wrapped the towel around his hair. He walked with soft thuds to the door before turning around to face Lavi.

"Don't think I didn't notice you called me by my first name. Next time, I won't be so relaxed, and you'll feel the consequences of your actions. Until then, Lavi." he said, closing the door. Lavi sat in the bath for another minute or so. For a minute or so, he felt the old, warmer Kanda again. He needed to catch him in the bath more often.


	3. Welcome to the Black Order

It was 10:00 by the time Lavi returned to his room. Fetching the mirror from it's hiding place, he held it in his hands for a moment before gazing down into it. A small sigh escaped his lips at the sight of the reflected male. Things had grown so complicated, and he'd been in the order only a day. Who knew how long it would be until Bookman decided to leave. The red haired apprentice shook the thoughts out of his mind. "No, let it be ok" he muttered to himself. Finally, Lavi was drawn in by the warmth of sleep and drifted off.

Gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong. Waking at the sound of the morning bells, Lavi felt the cool morning air hit him hard. "Ugh, six o'clock. Can anyone sleep through those bells?" he mumbled. The exorcist pulled on clean white pants and a black shirt. He looked over to see a folded up coat. His footsteps thudded lightly on the ground as he approached the garment. A note was left visibly on the front.

Dear Lavi,

Welcome to the Order! I hope you've enjoyed your time with us , so far. This is your exorcist coat, it's really the only thing ever required to wear. We customized it for you, too. So get out, make some friends. This is your home now, I'm proud to call you my family.

- Lenalee Lee

With a faint smile, Lavi threw on the jacket. It fit perfectly. He buttoned it up and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were draw to the silver crest over his heart. "So this, is the life of an exorcist." the red head thought aloud, running his fingers over the precious metal. The surface cooled his fingers and the teen's mind diverted to the mirror. Fetching it once more from it's hiding place he searched his jacket warily. Loosening a thread, Lavi slipped the trinket into the jacket through a seam. The mirror shifted into a cozy spot between the two layers of cloth and padding. Perfectly hidden, he then proceeded to tighten the thread to eliminate suspicion . Once ready, he trotted out the door, clicking the door behind him.

For so many exorcists to be in the Order, none were present in the halls. Lavi looked around almost frantically for anyone to guide him. Or at least a human companion to talk too. Hearing other footsteps, the apprentice froze. Listening carefully he followed them until turning the corner to see a familiar face. "Ah! Yuu-chan!" he cheered. Kanda turned around. "I told you not to call me that!" he hissed violently. Lavi put his hands up, waving them carelessly. "These halls are so large! I can't find anyone else around here…" he trailed off, looking at Kanda again.

"Oh, Kanda, you're hair. It looks so shiny and soft" he marveled. The locks were silkier than before and Lavi was tempted to reach out and run his hands through the blue oceanic hair. Kanda gave another small "che" and turned. "It's that shampoo you made me use yesterday. I smell like strawberries." he said, in a slightly annoyed tone. The redhead looked at the hair again. "But the hair is nice! Who cares if you smell like strawberries, what do you usually smell like?" he taunted. Kanda waved his hand, trying to shoo the annoying teen away. "I'd rather not go into this discussion. You'd never win it." Making a slight giggling sound, Lavi poked at Kanda's side.

"What does Yuu-chan usually smell like? What is your smell, your perfume, the essence of Yuu?" he chanted, annoyingly, into the older male's ear. Rolling his eyes, the blue haired teen brushed off the comment. "None of your business, baka usagi" he growled. Hopping onto Kanda's back, he chanted some more. "Yuu-chan, Yuu-chan, what would smell like Yuu-chan?" he pondered. Finally giving in, he shook the bookman in training off his back. "Fine, you want to know, fine then. I don't like smelling like strawberries because I usually smell like lotus blossoms." he said, immediately turning to the side with an embarrassed look on his face.

Lavi smiled brightly. "So what? You went from smelling like a flower to a fruit. Yuu-chan is a fruit!" he shouted. Kanda clamped his hands over the other teen's mouth. Lavi struggled as the words ceased to flow properly. "S-shut- up, baka usagi!" In his desperation, Lavi took extreme measures to ensure he escapes. Kanda's eyes widened in horror.

"Did you just lick my hand?!" he gasped, yanking the wet limb back. Freed from his hold of silence, the red head continued from where he left off. "Yuu-chan's a fruit! Fruit! Fruit! Strawberries, red strawberries." he shouted. There was a sudden silence as Lavi was thrown off balance. "I said stop using my first name! Are you that dense?!" Kanda snapped. The red head looked up from the spot he was thrown. "S-sumimasen, Kanda-san." he apologized. Kanda's tense angry expression relaxed as he extended a hand to Lavi. "Fine" The red head paused before putting a hand on Kanda's shoulder.

"Kanda, if you don't mind me asking, why don't you like anyone calling you Yuu-chan?" he said quietly, soothingly patting the other teen's shoulder. Kanda shook the boy off. "Nothing, it's too complicated. You'll either not understand or just laugh" he mumbled, looking down. Kanda didn't open up often and when he did, covered it with violent threats to ensure complete security. "So if I hear you say anything about it I'll use mugen to slit your throat and paint my walls with your blood" Kanda spat angrily. Lavi shuttered at the thought, and then nodded quickly. Kanda sat down and leaned against the wall, letting his blue hair press against the stone. "It happened a long time ago. I had a best friend, who meant a lot to me. He was supposed to have died, I was supposed to have followed. It was too late when I found out there was a probability he was still alive. Now I carry the curse of that lotus as a reminder of how much time I really have. I need to find him, I need to…see if he remembers" Kanda stuttered a bit during the long explanation.

It surprised Lavi to see Kanda's usually cold, graceful features distort into a twisted frown. Somewhere between sadness and anger. Not sure of what to do, Lavi sat next to his old friend. "I'm… I'm sure you're close. Your friend, he's probably looking for you too. " the red head soothed. Kanda's head dropped down to his knees as he took deep breaths. "Don't…try and comfort me. I find it annoying." his muffled words formed.

The apprentice looked away as Kanda tried to collect himself. "So, this friend of yours. He called you Yuu-chan, huh?" Lavi huffed, blowing hair out of his eye. The swordsman nodded. "I guess. Let's go now." Kanda said leading the other male to the cafeteria.

"Surprise!" a hundred voices sounded as Lavi entered the cafeteria. Jumping up in shock, his green eye fell on the banner draped over the cafeteria. Welcome Lavi! , was scribbled onto the sheet. Looking at it carefully, he could see where they'd erased names . Laughing to himself, Lavi approached the cheering crowd. "What's all this?!" he shouted gleefully. Lenalee popped up from out of the crowd merrily. "Welcome home, Lavi! Just for you, we stayed up all night decorating. Kanda stalled you enough for us to finish up." she explained, handing him a drink. Sipping happily, the red head was greeted by more cheers and hoots. Glancing around, he spotted Kanda standing in a corner as the party started.

"So, you were the distraction?" he asked. Kanda looked over coolly. "Don't misunderstand. I may have been stalling, but everything I told you was true." he said coldly. Smiling, Lavi picked up another cup and poured ginger ale into it. 'Drink, drink Yuu-chan!" The swordsman glared daggers into the other. 'What did I tell you!" he hissed. Backing away, Lavi held up his hands as a sign of peace. "Easy! Just take the drink" he said. Extending a shaky hand, he handed the cup to Kanda and watched him drink.

"Hey, Lavi, don't hide! Come join us!" Reever called out. Waving, Lavi bid adieu to his friend and went to socialize. Why can't you see me? Am I that transparent? Kanda, please don't be frightened. We'll be reunited again.

There was a loud thud as Kanda hit the floor.


	4. Ikari! Ikari!

The thud echoed through out the order as the exorcist fell against the tiled floor. His hair fell around him as he the world grew dark. "Oh my goodness! Is he ok?" Komui asked. Reever checked his pulse and felt Kanda's forehead. "Pulse is fine, but it seems Kanda's got a high fever. Just like him to ignore it until something like this happens." he said, grabbing a wet paper towel to pat on Kanda's forehead. Lavi stepped up, "Don't worry, I'll bring him to his room." Lavi said quietly. A hand dropped on his shoulder as Lenalee stepped forward. "But this is your party, please, we don't want you to miss out" she offered. Shaking his head, Lavi picked Kanda up. He was even lighter than he looked. "No, I've got him. I'll be right back, don't worry, please. I'll just lay him to rest and then I'll be right back"

Kanda's body was limp as Lavi navigated through the corridors. Kanda's room was 112. He turned at the "100 and up" corner. He paused as Kanda started huffing, and his cheeks were flushed. The red head looked down sadly. This was the only way to tell you. I'm sorry I laced your drink. Finally arriving at room 112, Lavi gently placed his partner onto the bed. The drug induced a fever, causing Kanda to suddenly faint. Lavi untied the elder man's hair and dabbed him with a wet towel. Kanda huffed and gasped, turning for air. He wasn't in serious pain, the lotus would kick in soon and heal him. Lavi decided to quickly do what he'd planned.

Leaning over to Kanda, who was struggling for consciousness, he whispered gently into his ear. "Yuu-chan, it's me. Ikari" he started. The older male seemed to respond and tried desperately to move. The drug prevented him from moving and Kanda thought he was hallucinating. "Yuu-chan, you're so close. I'm so close, why can't you see me? " he asked. Watching closely, he saw the swordsman's mouth move silently, mouthing "Ikari"

Placing a hand over Kanda's forehead, Lavi held back tears as he continued. "Yes, Kanda. Ikari. You're so close, open your eyes. I'm waiting for you". Starting to regain consciousness, Kanda drew enough strength to mutter "Ikari, Ikari" between long gasping breaths. The red head wiped a tear from his green eye and left the room. Starting to close the door behind him he looked over as the mumbles for Ikari became pleading screams.

"I'll always be waiting for you, Yuu-chan". The door clicked as Kanda's screams became louder. "Ikari! Ikari, no! Please" he pleaded. Tossing from side to side, Kanda's arms banged against the wall. "Ikari, don't go. N-no, I can't. Please, help me Ikari!"

Lavi couldn't help it, Kanda's screams repeatedly pierced him as he walked down the hall. Like a mother waiting for her child to soothe itself, Lavi slowly trudged away from his screaming partner. And soon, as if in rhythm to his screams, tears poured from Lavi's eyes. Dripping through his hands and seeping through his eye patch, the tears refused to stop. In a matter of seconds, Lavi was crying on his knees, praying for his friend to be a peace.

Kanda's screams ripped violently through him. His heart threatening to burst and shatter into millions of pieces. "Ikari, no! I l-" he said abruptly. His eyes snapped open and he looked around the room. No one was there. Drenched in a cold sweat, Kanda stood up. "He's not...here" he mumbled. Finally realizing where he was he started to question himself. "Wasn't I just at the party?" he asked to no one, cleaning himself up.

Meanwhile, Lavi returned to the party and was once again mingling. In the brief period of time he was crying, the bookman in training did a good job in covering it up. "How's Kanda?" Reever asked, waltzing over. Turning towards the supervisor he nodded a bit. "Ok. I'd have to say the fever has peaked. It looks like he's recovering remarkably fast."

Reever gave a small hum. "Well, Kanda has the lotus that heals his every wound so quickly it's almost superhuman.". Bookman was out that day, returning to see the party he scowled in disagreement. "Lavi!" he called, motioning the boy over. Quickly excusing himself, the red head rushed over to his teacher. "Lavi, what's all this?" he said sternly. Lavi felt his heart drop. "They all surprised me with a welcome party. What was I supposed to say?" he answered. Bookman lowered his voice considerably. "I was walking past Kanda's room earlier." he said, quirking and eyebrow up. Lavi's heart skipped a beat, and he began feeling anxious. "I was wondering if you knew why Kanda was screaming repeatedly for Ikari." Bookman interrogated.

"I…don't know" Lavi lied. Bookman's eyes grew intensely angry. "Don't lie to me, Lavi!" he hissed. "You're starting to forget your place. Don't try and provoke memories of yourself that are embedded into that kid's memory." Lavi looked down at his feet in shame. "Sorry , sir" he apologized. Bookman left before Lavi had a chance to explain.

The red head trudged into the corner and sat for a while, watching the party. "Looks like you need a drink" a voice sounded

"K-Kanda?" Lavi said, turning to find the exorcist leaning against the door frame. "Rough argument I presume?" he asked. Kanda had been observing the argument since he arrived, but was unable to hear the conversation due to the intense cheers coming from the drinking contest. Lavi nodded. "Yes. But everyone fights with their master now and then"

Kanda shook his head "Not really. My Master avoids fighting with his pupils at all costs" he stated with a twang of annoyance. Lavi thought for a moment. "Tree hugger?"

"No, Art lover." The day dwindled down and the party became more and more worn down. "Ok! Ok!" Komui said, raising his hand in the air, "The sleeping game. Who ever can sleep the longest into tomorrow morning gets the last piece of strudel." He said shortly before collapsing into a deep sleep


	5. Death drags under

Huffing quietly, Kanda stood from his seat and approached the exit. "Bye, Lavi" he said, waving his hand. Lavi smiled and also started to leave. Good Night, Kanda. Hopefully your dreams will be sweet. The red head headed towards the baths, anxious to ease the stiff muscles he had. An all day party hurt more than a day of training and Lavi soon found that his legs were sore. "Ouch. Ite, ite, ite" he mumbled rubbing his leg. The baths were once again empty, this time because virtually everyone was passed out in the cafeteria. Sinking into the warm water, Lavi rested his head against the rocks to think. Things had spiraled out of his control, between Kanda reappearing and Bookman overhearing the screams for Ikari. Lavi wasn't sure what was right anymore. A bookman was supposed to be someone with no identity. They weren't supposed to leave an impression on the world either. But didn't Ikari do that? Didn't Ikari's presence alter the life of someone who went onto being involved in the fight against the Earl.

Lavi ran a wet hand through his hair and sighed. It's true. Would Kanda have been an exorcist and fought if he didn't think Ikari had died? Ikari was a definite reason why Kanda Yuu is now so cold and strives onward. So, why can't Ikari officially be a part of this world? His head began to pound with swirling, contradicting thoughts. About five minutes later he heard the old creaky wooden door open. Footsteps slapped against the puddles of water carelessly lying on the stone floors surrounding the bath. "Ugh. You again? I feel like you're stalking me"

"Yuu-chan!" Lavi smiled brightly. Kanda tightened the hand that kept his towel around his hips. "Che. I'm tired of lecturing you on that" Kanda said. His hair had already been taken out of it's ponytail and hung down to his lower back. Lavi felt almost drawn to staring at Kanda. His eyes fell and settled on the other exorcist's hips. Odd for Lavi to stare but for some reason he just did. Kanda broke the silence ."Could you please not look at me like that, I can't take off the towel with someone staring at me" Lavi's gaze broke and he blushed furiously. "Oh, sumimasen, it was rude of me" he said, turning away. Stepping into the bath, Kanda left the towel on the side of the stone. Lavi was still pretty embarrassed about being called out for staring at Kanda. Not only Kanda, but Kanda barely covered. The blue haired teen washed his hair under the water fall and looked around. "Do you have that shampoo?" he asked bluntly. "Oh? Yeah, yeah! I have conditioner too, try it" he said, collecting the bottles from the edge of the bath.

Slightly confused, Kanda took the bottle of conditioner into his hands. "what does this do?" he asked, looking at the label. Lavi pointed to his hair and said. "Well it helps keep your hair healthy and shiny." Kanda poured some into his hands. "It's like shampoo?" he pondered. Lavi laughed at the sight. "I can't believe you don't know about shampoo and conditioners" Looking up from his hands, Kanda stared coldly at Lavi. "Che. I never had time for such vain things" he spat. The red head poured some shampoo for himself and scrubbed it into his hair. "Nyah, so why is there time now? Hmmm?" he teased mercilessly. The other exorcist stayed silence to further express his annoyance. The baths remained silent except for the faint sound of scrubbing. Lavi's eyes were growing heavier as the minutes dragged on. The party had taken so much out of him, so much that he was barely standing. The steam was so comforting, drawing him further into a sleep like state. Blinking lazily, he scrubbed his hair harder, hoping that would wake him up. Stay awake. Just until he leaves… just until…. Lavi's world went dark and he was greeted by the warmth of the bath water.

For a moment the steam rushed past him as the water's surface furthered from his head. The liquid invaded his mouth and sloshed around, filling his lungs. Everything was dark and Lavi let out the last of his breath. The night like surroundings of death didn't bother him as he slipped under. Death had always been a part of his life and he always felt surrounded by darkness. The shallow bath waters seemed to stretch on for ages, and soon Lavi's shoulder scraped against the ground. Lying there peacefully, he could've sworn he heard splashing.

The warmth suddenly disappeared as cold air hit his wet skin. The fluid in his lungs started to make him sick as he began to regain conscience. Confused, the red head cracked open his left eye slightly to see why he felt like the water couldn't escape.

And there he was. Kanda Yuu had his lips pressed tightly to him, forcing air into his lungs. A moment of surprise caught in Lavi's chest right before Kanda promptly pressed down onto the exorcist's chest.

Coughing uncontrollably , Lavi spat out the water in his lungs. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gasped. His lungs ached from being used as a container for water. Looking up, he caught Kanda's gaze. The other exorcist's expression was serious and his eyes were concerned. "Are you ok, baka?" he asked. Lavi blushed. "Yeah, what happened?" he asked. Kanda helped Lavi sit upright so that he could breathe easier. "You got dizzy and passed out from exhaustion. You almost drowned, you know" Lavi raised his hand to his mouth and coughed some more. Between the wheezes he thanked his old friend for the assistance.

He was incredibly warm and Lavi felt as if he might melt into Kanda. Even if it were only the arm keeping him up. Kanda handed Lavi a towel and turned away from the exorcist awkwardly. "Here, cover up" he said. Lavi smiled. Maybe he had seen more of the old Kanda.

The blue haired teen picked up his clothes and left the baths.

"Be more careful next time, baka"


	6. Kanda it'll be ok

**Warning! Massive Boy love in next two chapters...**

Since the incident in the baths, Lavi and Kanda hadn't spoken. As a matter of fact, they were rarely in the same room. That changed suddenly one week after the party.

Komui shuffled through papers that were waist deep, making his way to his desk. "Ah…Here's your first mission. Kanda had reported that he needed backup on this mission. It involves innocence and Kanda alone can't handle the finders."

Looking over the papers, Lavi stared at the case. It seemed that the innocence was causing a volcano to erupt . The volcano was currently dormant and nothing seemed unusual about the new lava flows until the lava started to form a wall around the island, cutting off their access to the outside world. Kanda currently was in what used to be a port town, trying to get some help. The red head nodded as Komui walked him to the underground docks. "Well then. You'll take the train to the shore. From there we've booked a boat to bring you to the Palm Isle. Be careful, and don't pester Kanda-san" he waved Lavi off as the boat drifted away.

-About a day later-

Lavi yawned as a finder in his boat shook him awake. "Exorcist-san. We've arrived at the island. Looking up at the island, Lavi could tell that he underestimated the power of innocence. The wall of hardened lava was about five stories tall, some spots in the water hissed with steam as new lava cooled. "How do we get in?" Lavi asked. One of the finders pointed up. "Kanda-san climbed over the wall and jumped." he said, almost shuttering at the memory of the exorcist falling five stories.

The red head reached for his innocence. "If you don't mind, I can get us over the wall without climbing." Taking the small trinket sized hammer out of his holster he held it out.

"Ozuchi kozuchi, shi shi shi" .The handle of the hammer extended and the exorcist was lifted off the bottom of the rocking boat. He motioned for the other two finders to hold onto the handle and pulled the up to the top of the wall. The view was breath taking. The village was small compared to the lush green back round. The volcano was dribbling red glowing lava down the sides, and smoking lightly in the afternoon sun. Letting the rest of the hammer reach him, he pointed it down towards the sandy, almost waterless beaches.

"Shi, shi, shi!" Once the hammer's head was nestled in the sand, he let the finders slide down the handle before he did. "So where's Kanda?" he asked.

The first finder, who was thin and lanky, looked at his papers. "He's currently at the central inn, right off town square. " he stated, looking at the papers. Lavi looked back at the wall. The wall cut of the island in shallow waters. The water was maybe three feet deep. So there was a little bit of ocean water surrounding the island. But that wasn't good.

Looking around, the red head could see there was no water movement. Still water is great breeding grounds for mosquitoes, and they can transmit diseases. He trotted off to find the other exorcist soon after his analysis.

The square was small. A fountain in the middle let water cascade down it's neatly sculptured surface. Aside from that, there were little restaurants, cafes, and shops where the locals could buy food. The townspeople bustled through the square and Lavi smiled a bit at the sight of three children playing ball. "We're here, Lavi-san" the second, slightly husky, finder said kindly. The inn, too, was small. The lobby only had enough room for a desk, small area rug, a couch and two armchairs. In the corner, green plants were tucked away making the room even more clustered. The clerk came out of the back room and gave Lavi a slight bow "May I help you, sir?" she asked kindly. Lavi nodded. "Yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. I was sent to meet him here. His name is Kanda Yuu." Lavi asked politely. The clerk hurried to her book and flipped backward through the pages. "Yes, yes. Here it is. Kanda Yuu, he requested a two bed room when checking in. You're joining him?" she asked Lavi. The bookman in training gave a quick nod before the inn keeper hurried to the cupboards behind her. The keys for the different rooms jingled as she rummaged through them. "Here you go, the second key to room 107. Up the stairs and to your left." she directed. The key dropped into Lavi's hand lightly, and the area of his hand felt to cool metal turn warm due to his body temperature.

The steps were carpeted with a red rug. The small inn was much more spacious upstairs than the crowded lobby downstairs. As he reached the top step he looked up and down each hall. Turning left, as instructed, Lavi followed the door numbers until he reached 107. The door opened with a click and the red haired apprentice stepped inside. The room was medium size. Not a suite, but not a crowded mess either. One bed was made up nicely, but the one by the window was undone. _Yuu-chan probably slept there_. Lavi walked up to the unmade bed, which was beside a window. The afternoon light poured in and the steady breeze lifted the white sheer curtains. The view was beautiful, but Lavi had no time to enjoy it. He was startled when a small hum was heard from the bed. Pulling back the white sheets, Lavi's green eye fell upon Kanda. Probably injured during a fight, the samurai was sleeping it off. His hair was untied and strands were lifted by the gentle breeze every so often.

The exorcist had no shirt on, instead , Kanda had bandages wrapped around a small portion of his chest. Just like him, won't go to a doctor when injured. Kanda was breathing softly and the pale porcelain hands positioned beside his face and wrapped in his hair. Pulling away more of the covers, Lavi started to realize that Kanda wasn't only not wearing a shirt. But he lacked clothing from the waist down. This probably occurred to the red head when he saw no underpants waistband. The exorcist's face turned the same color as his hair. _Would one peek hurt?_ Shaking the idea out of his head, Lavi mentally cursed himself for even thinking that. But, what if he did do that? Kanda was asleep, and would never know. Feeling hot at the thought, the bookman in training decided it was better to peek now than think about it all day.

Lavi peeled the covers down slowly, afraid of waking the naked exorcist. He felt his heart thump violently as the sheets were incredibly low. The apprentice paused when Kanda shifted in his sleep, and only made things more awkward for Lavi_. Of all the things to do in your sleep, Yuu-chan, you spread your legs. _The other exorcist's hips were so delicate and pale it drove Lavi mad. His hands became shakier as he paused again in his actions. _So close, should I? One swift movement? _Lavi resented the sheets. Kanda was still snoring softly, oblivious the fact that someone was trying to see his manhood. The samurai shifted again, this time letting things decide themselves. Lavi gasped as the covers fell down to Kanda's knees. He didn't do it himself, so no shame, right? But his eye was glued to the other teen. He really was beautiful. Lavi looked at him sweetly and brushed a hand against the exorcist's face. "I'm still waiting, Yuu-chan." he spoke softly.

The exposed exorcist gave a soft grunt, starting to come out of his sleep. Lavi jumped back in panic. It wouldn't be pretty if Kanda woke up and found himself exposed, and Lavi's presence wouldn't be helping. Quickly he slipped out of the room and waited for Kanda to wake up before pretending to just arrive.

He pressed his ear against the door and listened carefully. He needed to plan the time perfectly to avoid being suspicious. The exorcist listened to the teen inside wake up. First a few groans as he slipped out of the deep sleep. Lavi tried not to giggle as he heard Kanda Yuu himself give out a gasp of silent embarrassment._ If he didn't want the covers to end up that low, why did he sleep like that? _Almost as if on its own, a wild and stupid thought popped into Lavi's mind. _What if I just walk in on Kanda. _No sooner thought than followed through with, the door opened quickly. "Hey, I just arrived--" Lavi pretended to trail off at the sight of Kanda naked…again. The teen blushed with embarrassment and quickly covered himself with a pillow. "Lavi! Get out!" he hissed, crossing his legs awkwardly. The bookman in training, stepped back wards out of the room and closed the door. Soon listening to a very humiliated teen pull on his clothes, Lavi felt a smile on his lips.

I guess you can say, Lavi was finding himself _very _interested in Kanda.


	7. Open your eyes

After their embarrassing reunion, Kanda was colder to Lavi. The bookman in training put a hand on Kanda's shoulder. "Hey, it was an honest mistake. I didn't do it on purpose" _Who am I kidding, of course I did it on purpose_. Kanda gave him an icy 'yeah-right- I- know- you - peeked' glare that sent Lavi into fright. "Really Kanda. I just got in. But what I must ask is why you were nude." The exorcist gave a small "che". He still couldn't look Lavi in the eye. "Too tired to dress after my shower."

The two were eating dinner and Kanda had refused to speak anymore after his explanation. It dawned on Lavi that Kanda had seen him naked the day he almost drowned. The swordsman acted the same way after that incident. _Kanda, are you actually really shy? _Events flooded into his memory of past experiences.

"_Could you please not look at me like that, I can't take off the towel with someone staring at me" _

Lavi looked up at the blue haired man, who was eating his soba in an awkward silence. Not even looking up to meet eyes with Lavi. The red head looked closer to see the light pink blush dusting his pale cheeks.

_Kanda handed Lavi a towel and turned away from the exorcist awkwardly. "Here, cover up" _

The blush was there too. Checking his watch, the apprentice saw it was almost a quarter to eight. "Yuu-chan" he started, waiting for Kanda to look up. The male did not look up right away, instead he slowly raised his head until his eyes stared at whatever was behind Lavi. Sighing, the red head realized it would take time for Kanda's pride and self confidence to heal. "It's ok to be shy about how you look" he comforted. Kanda's fingernails dug into the napkin he was holding as he looked down angrily. "S-shut up, baka usagi" he hissed, praying the conversation would end there. Lavi stood from his seat and walked to Kanda's side of the table. Bending down he poked Kanda's arm. "Look at me. "The other exorcist turned away shyly. Lavi smiled at the glimpse of vulnerability Kanda had. "Yuu-chan. Look at me, please. It won't kill you" he said. He grabbed the swordsman's chin with his thumb and forefinger, gently turning the male's head towards himself. Something went pang in Lavi's heart as he stared in Kanda's deep midnight blue eyes. They sparkled with tears that were trying to be held back, and looked up longingly to the red head. Almost forgetting what he was going to say, the apprentice leaned in closer to Kanda's delicate face. "We're friends aren't we? No one else will know" he comforted. The distance between the two had shrunken noticeably.

The bookman in training could feel Kanda's breath catch in his chest as he got closer. Of course, Kanda had spent years with people standing outside a ten foot radius of him. To have someone who he could practically feel brushing against his lips was , to put it bluntly, terrifying. Terrifyingly new, but somewhat familiar. Kanda could've sworn he's seen those deep green eyes before. Since Lavi's arrival he found himself reminiscing more and more about Ikari. He found it a little suspicious that Lavi had the same red hair and green eyes. But just because someone looked like another doesn't mean they are that person. The silence stilled the air around them as they seemed to draw closer to each other. Almost pulled by an unseen force, Lavi closed his eye at the last second and kissed Kanda sweetly.

The swordsman emitted a slight "mmh" as Lavi pressed a little harder on his lips. Opening his one visible eye , the apprentice saw that Kanda's shoulders had slumped and his fingernails no longer dug into the wrung out napkin. Smiling against his old friends lips, he pulled out for air. There was another silence Lavi could've gone without. _Say anything. Anything please_. "Baka usagi" _Anything but that_. The bell tower in the town square struck nine o'clock. Lavi chuckled a bit. "We must look like idiots , standing around awkwardly for fifteen minutes." "Che. Us? You're the one who started this" the samurai retaliated. It made the red head glad that Kanda was back to him old self again. The lean eighteen year old stood from his chair and went towards the phone. "I need to make a few calls before I go back to the room. Go on without me, baka"

Leaving his friend there, Lavi hopped up the steps two at a time until he was able to skip to his room. He plopped down on the bed and sighed deeply, thinking about what had happened. It was like openly admitting to Kanda he was gay. But the exorcist wanted to be with Kanda again for so long. During long missions as other aliases he often thought about his time as Ikari. Turning to one side, he spotted a small black book on the nightstand. _Does this belong to Kanda? _Flipping through it, he saw the samurai's neat handwriting sprawled on the pages. It was Kanda's journal. Stopping at one of the entries he read silently in his head.

_Journal,_

_Ever since that new exorcist arrived things have spun out of my control. He still feels that he can call me "Yuu-chan" which is painfully familiar. I looked at him sometimes really quickly and I sometimes mistake him for Ikari. Maybe that's why I opened up to him so fast. Or maybe hanging around people at the order had turned me soft. Either way, I feel so awkward and embarrassed around him. Lavi always seems to be there as I strip to nothing. I've been humiliated by him several times because I 'm not comfortable with how I look. (This feeling also started when that baka usagi joined)._

_-Kanda _

Lavi analyzed the entry. Yuu was scared of his new emotions. Remembering Ikari , Lavi thought about how Kanda would confide in him with all his secrets . Since he left, Kanda probably had no one to talk to. Turning the page to the next entry, Lavi read along the ruled lines again.

_Journal,_

_I've now been having weird dreams about Ikari. He keeps telling me to open my eyes and find him. I can't anymore. How can I not see him if he says he's so close? So close all I need to do is open my eyes, but my eyes won't seem to open. Is the meaning looking for similarities? People I already know? Things have gotten too confusing. _

_-Kanda _

Of course it's confusing. Ridding of the anger, sadness, and longing in his soul would open his eyes. But Kanda holds onto things so desperately , not wanting anything to change. At that rate, he would die before realizing Lavi was Ikari. Feeling saddened by the past two entries, the red head flipped to the next page. This time Lavi was if for a shock.

_Journal, _

_That apprentice almost drowned today. He passed out from exhaustion in the baths. I pulled him out and gave him C.P.R but it ended up being worse for me. I found myself staring at his nude body and almost gave into my instincts of fondling him._

"Yuu…." Lavi whispered to himself.

_I never do that, but things have gotten so out of hand I've recently grown to be attracted to him. But I can't bring myself to accepting that I like him. If I give into this lust, I might give up on Ikari. _

Tears of agony stung the bookman in training's eyes. "You big dummy. You're attracted to the Ikari in me. Your eyes are starting to open, don't close them"

_That night the dreams began. Lavi was--_

The teen's tears seemed to evaporate as he grew very hot. Kanda was having dirty dreams about him. Reading over the details, the exorcist found himself being turned on by the events Kanda described in his entry. He was shook out of his lustful reading when there were soft thudding footsteps coming down the hall. Placing the book back into it's normal place, Lavi rested his head against the pillow and pretended to sleep. The door opened with a click and Kanda stepped into the room. "Lavi, I know you're awake." he said coldly . The teen opened his eyes and looked over at Kanda. By the look on his face Lavi concluded Kanda has decided something big.

"I'm not going to stand around embarrassed about you seeing me naked." he stated. Lavi sat up from under the covers. The standing exorcist started to unbutton his coat slowly. Lavi waved his hand. "Woah, woah. What's going on?" he asked blushingly. Kanda stopped the action and stared at Lavi. "I'm taking my clothes off and accepting you're going to see me exposed." he spat coldly. "Yuu-chan, you don't have to--" "Yes I do. I can't move forward unless I can do this." Lavi smiled mentally _I'm proud. You're eyes are starting to open and you're taking action_. The exorcist's garments came off quickly, as if Kanda wanted to be done with it. Finally the boxer shorts were rid of and Lavi couldn't help but stare again. Turning away with a slight sense of shame, Lavi spoke up "Sorry, it's rude of me to stare like that" The samurai quickly took his scrunched up coat and covered himself. "Ok. It's over. I'm going to take a shower." he muttered hastily, shutting the bathroom door behind him.

Lavi grinned. _Kanda was still pretty shy._


	8. Trouble ahead

Lavi's extremely mellow mood crashed and burned as the thoughts of what had happened that past weekend came to mind. Sirens started to go off in his head as he thought of all the boundaries he had crossed. Bookman would kill him if he found out._ I saw Kanda naked, I comforted him as a friend, I kissed him! If Bookman ever finds out I'll be dead!_

Looking over at Kanda, who was unaware of the panic, Lavi remembered why he was breaking all these boundaries. He loved him. Not just for the Kanda that Ikari knew and loved, but for the man he had become after so many years of emotional torture. The two sides were like two negatively charged pieces of metal, they repelled at the slight presence of each other. And while Lavi wanted to be positively charged towards being the next bookman, he seemed to be attracting the "wrong" charged side. As they say, opposites attract.

The train ride seemed hours, even days, longer due to the panic ripping through Lavi. But, as highly trained as he was, none of it showed. To Kanda, he just looked plain bored. Soon the sleek train came to a stop and the passengers started to disembark. Kanda grabbed his bag and exited, waiting for Lavi on the platform. The steam hissed at the apprentice as he hopped off the pull out steps and onto the concrete slab. "Let's go, Lavi" Kanda said quietly, turning on his heel. The red haired exorcist followed quickly, trying desperately to figure out a way to cover this up.

Upon arriving, Lavi was immediately pestered. "Lavi, a mission? You didn't do anything stupid, did you?" he questioned, quirking an eyebrow up. Lavi shook his head "No, no. Nothing like that." he lied through his teeth. Bookman walked faster to keep up with Lavi's strides. "Just don't forget--" "I know, I know. My purpose." he sighed, clicking his door open. "Night, Gramps." he yawned, letting the door shut behind him. The red head lay on his bed lazily, staring at the ceiling. Kanda's room was far from his, but he felt so close. The panic resumed itself and all that was heard in the dark room was Lavi's racing heartbeat. It was his own heartbeat that lulled him to sleep once again.

The halls were usually empty around seven to eight in the morning. The general rush of people go to breakfast and the clinking of dishware was heard down the halls clearly. Spotting a teen he recognized, Lavi waved his hand. "Yuu-chan!" he called. Kanda looked up, and an angry expression appeared on his face. Promptly turning a corner afterward, Kanda didn't even speak a word to Lavi. The red head followed and called after Kanda repeatedly, but the exorcist kept on walking and leading him away from the general crowd of people. Soon arriving at Kanda's room, the teen stopped and waited for the other to catch up. "Kanda, is something wrong?" Still silent, Kanda opened his door and went inside, Lavi pattered in frantically. The door clicked shut and Kanda faced the window coldly. "Yuu-chan, is something...wrong?" he asked uncertainly. The exorcist turned towards Lavi, the icy expression replaced with a twisted angry disgusted one. "You of all people ask me what's wrong?" he hissed. Lavi flinched in surprise, unsure of what Kanda was talking about. "I don't know, Lavi, you tell me what's wrong." Kanda hissed again. Lavi felt pressured. He couldn't remember doing anything to anger Kanda. Not like this. The mission had ended smoothly, nothing aggravating happened. So what was wrong. "Kanda, I… don't know"

A lamp was thrown and shattered mercilessly on the floor. "You don't know?! Don't give me that crap!" the samurai shouted angrily. "You've been talking behind my back. You've been telling other people things that were supposed to be confidential." Kanda explained. His voice had dropped considerably. He was now more upset than angry. Lavi ran a hand through his red hair nervously. "Yuu-chan, no, I haven't told anyone." he explained. The exorcist's blue locks flew back as Kanda suddenly leaned against the window frame . "Then explain how this morning several people have teasingly commented about certain events that had happened during our past mission." the exorcist questioned.

Lavi was hopelessly confused. "Yuu-chan, I would never do anything to hurt you--"

"But look what's happened! What else have you lied to me about ?!" Kanda yelled. The anger escalated into a full out argument as Lavi could still not explain what happened.

"Yuu-chan…" Lavi was suddenly cut off as a hand grasped tightly around his throat.

"And that's another thing. Don't ever call me that again , or I'll kill you" he threatened. Lavi gasped as the grip tightened and his breathing got harder. "Yuu….-chan" he whispered painfully. A crash of glass rattled Lavi as he was thrust through the window and left dangling out of the second story window. Kanda looked and him coldly. "What did I just tell you." he hissed through his teeth. After a minute or so of Lavi dangling out the window, Kanda swept him back into the room. The exorcist was dropped onto the hard floor. Kanda seemed to tower over him as Lavi . "I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. But the most idiotic and pathetic was that I thought I could actually trust you"

Lavi stood up to see Kanda eye to eye, but the samurai turned away sadly. "Kanda, please. Listen I would never--"

"Just leave, Lavi"

The apprentice stepped out of the room and watched Kanda shut it gently. The red head sat propped up against the wall besides the door in pain. The halls were quiet, and the muffled sounds of Kanda sobbing seemed amplified in the silence. Pressing his ear to the wall, Lavi could hear his friend's lonely cries to himself. "I'm so stupid" Lavi heard from within the sealed room._ We both were. _

Deciding to get something to eat, Lavi headed down to the cafeteria. But before he turned the corner he was cut off. "Something wrong, Lavi?" a voice called from behind him. Lavi turned to see Bookman standing with his arms crossed. "Oh, hey. No nothing is wrong" Bookman stepped closer to Lavi quirking an eyebrow up. "Something happened?" he asked. The red head shook his head slowly. "No, sir" The short oriental man kept walking towards Lavi in slow menacing steps. "Wondering why people know about Kanda taking off his clothes for you?" he questioned. The apprentice went stiff as he heard the question. "You…" he trailed off. Bookman gave a small huff . "I knew something was going to happen if you two were alone and I was right."

Lavi felt anger rise up in him as he glared at his teacher. "You spied on us! You're the one who made Kanda so upset!" he yelled. Bookman raised a hand to silence him. "I'm teaching you a lesson. What happened today could be even worse if you have these bonds with people". The oriental elder brought Lavi to a room and closed the door. "Now, Lavi, are we going to break things off with Kanda? I've made it easy for you, he already hates you." The red head looked down at his feet as tears stung his eyes. Yuu, I don't want to leave you again. "No. I like being with Kanda." Lavi said, raising his head. He had no time to say anything else as he was slammed into the ground by a thousand gray needles. "That wasn't the right answer" Bookman said coldly. The redhead gasped as the needled slowly pierced his skin, letting thin rivers of blood trickle onto the ground. "You will break it off." the elderly man demanded . "Why should I?" Lavi huffed between gasps.

Bookman turned away from his twitching student and placed a hand on the doorknob. "Because I have pictures of Kanda during your mission. Fail to follow through with my orders and the Black Order will have his nude photo plastered everywhere"

Lavi gathered enough strength to try and claw at the needles. "You can't do this!" Bookman opened the door and stepped out. He peered back in briefly to catch Lavi's eye. "Sure I can. I'm teaching you a lesson" The door clicked quietly.

It was several hours before the needles withdrew themselves and the bleeding stopped. The spot where Lavi had been was marked with the blood that had seeped into the dirt.

Walking out of the locked room, Lavi dared to venture to Kanda's room to see if he was ok. As he neared the quarters, the red head spotted Lenalee crying outside the door. "Lenalee-chan! What happened?" Lavi asked suddenly, rushing over. She looked upon and wiped her face with a handkerchief. "Lavi, it's terrible" she sniffed. "Kanda won't come out of his room, he won't eat, he's denied every tray of soba Jerry-sama has sent up. I'm so worried" Lenalee sobbed in a rush, reaching for a tissue in her pocket. The red head patted her shoulder and turned her away from the door. "Don't worry anymore, Lenalee-chan. I'll talk to him and get all this sorted out" he said, lying through his teeth.

Lenalee swept a lock of green hair behind her ear and sniffed again. "Ok. Ok, I need to get nii-san coffee anyway. Thanks Lavi"

Waiting until Lenalee was composed and out of the area, Lavi took the tray and stumbled down the stairs, and out into the courtyard. _If Yuu won't answer his door, he'll have to answer his window. _The bookman's apprentice scrambled up into a tree beside Kanda's window, balancing the tray with ease. Hastily, Lavi knocked on the window. No answer. He did so again. No answer. Peering inside after the third knock, Lavi discovered Kanda's bed empty. "He's gone…"Lavi muttered to himself. Starting to get worried , the red head started to search the grounds around the order.

"Ouch, what was that?" Lavi hissed, as something went into his foot sharply. He was at a high wooden wall a good way out from the order. It towered over Lavi menacingly as the moonlight bounced off the wood. The grass was tall, but if he looked hard enough, Lavi could see an entrance . It was small, and dirty, but the apprentice wanted to get to the other side. "Oooh, tight fit" the red head grumbled, crawling through the hole tiredly. He looked up to see the moonlight bouncing back at him. Water? A pond.

The pond was so silent, and surrounded by willow trees. Their bodies bent over in suffering, and their leaves dipped into the black midnight waters. Apart from the faint sound of crickets that emerged from the grassy surroundings, Lavi could hear something else. Or rather, someone else. At the edge of the water, on the far side of the shore was a grad weeping willow. It's leaves creating an dark silky curtain of the night , the water rippling below it. And the broken figure beneath it. Kanda was lying underneath the depressed element , his hair yet again disheveled and untied. Lately, Kanda's depression made him feel like looking presentable was a waste of time. The long locks always seemed to fan out beneath Kanda, and Lavi sighed as he saw the same locks bobbing on the edge of the water. Murmuring to himself, a tune filled the air sadly.

"Have I always been this plagued,

Have the years just passed away.

Too long to wait. Too soon to move on.

When will my broken life be done?"

Even from across the pond, Kanda's tears shone brightly as he choked out the last few words. Lavi wanted to say so many things. To do so many things to make Kanda believe he'd never harm him. To show how much he loved him. Stepping forward with a panicky like bravery, Lavi decided to add a second verse to the tune.

"Have I always been ashamed,

Have my feelings gone astray.

Another year, too soon ..too fast.

God ,please ,make my life still last."

Startled, Kanda sat up and turned towards Lavi. "You again." he said angrily, his face growing hot from embarrassment. Lavi held his hands out. "Look, Kanda, I know you're hurt. " the red head started. Kanda backed away as Lavi approached him. Kneeling until he was at Kanda's level, Lavi continued his explanation. "But I'd never hurt you like that. You're all I think about, honestly…" he confessed quietly. Pausing to see if he had enough courage, Lavi took the samurai's delicate hands into his and stared into Kanda's dark blue eyes. "It's hard for me to say it, and I know to some it's wrong…but I…love you" . Managing to get the words out, the red head feared silently that Kanda would reject him. Reject him for someone who was right in front of him. "Lavi…" Kanda trailed of, trying to find the words. If any. "You don't care that I'm looking for my friend?" he asked. Lavi sighed and drew closer to Kanda, causing the other exorcist to back up again. Jolting slightly , Kanda realized his back was pressed to the trunk of the tree, guess there was no more back up space.

Smiling at the exorcist's failed plan to escape , Lavi leaned in to whisper into Kanda's ear. "What if I were to have my way with you, right here?" he teased, wrapping an arm around the rigid samurai. "D-don't be ridiculous…." Kanda muttered, looking away from Lavi. The red head kissed Kanda's cheek and brushed his long hair back. "You say that, but you're pretty turned on right now. Your pants are a dead give away." he smirked. Kanda flinched as a hand that wasn't his own brushed against his pant front. "S-stop that's dirty…" the exorcist stuttered, trying to fight Lavi away. The struggle was short and soon Kanda found himself in a fit of kissing and blushing and undressing as the two silently cried to be excepted by one another.

That night, the air's silence was pierced only by the sounds of crickets, and Kanda's pleasured moans.


	9. Disappear

Hey everyone, it's ocean-view-luffy! (Well duh of course it is -slaps self- stupid!) I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my very best friend Azn. Ever since she moved far away me I've felt a deeper connection to this story. Call me mushy or sappy but in a way Azn was my Kanda Yuu, just not the whole love affair thing. My only regret is that I didn't hold onto her longer before she left.Since then I've learned that the first times without someone you really care about are very painful.Like the first time I heard the song we used to sing. Or the first time I walked by her old house knowing she wasn't inside anymore.In any case, I'm hogging up the chapter, sorry. Azn, if you're reading this, please respond to my e-mails soon. Let's get on with the chapter, you guys didn't come to read about this anyway. To Kanda and Lavi!

Lavi woke up first the next morning, grunting slightly at the weight on his chest. Cracking an eye open he saw the top of Kanda's head nuzzled against him. Smiling at the little glimpses of tenderness Kanda occasionally gives off, Lavi closed his eyes and tried to snooze until Kanda awoke. The exorcist leaning on his chest moved rarely, sometimes only to nuzzle his face closer or to yawn. The red head long forgot about trying to snooze as his body fought off the drowsy feeling. Looking at his friend, well… lover now…he recalled on the events of last night. Kanda must've felt Lavi stirring because he lifted his head sleepily to look at his face. "Good morning, Yuu-chan" Lavi smiled brightly, causing the exorcist to cringe. "Do you ever stop being cheerful?" Kanda hissed sitting upright. "Where're my clothes…che" the blue haired teen muttered looking for the discarded garments in the bushes. Lavi smirked a bit, seeing Kanda gathering up his things and slipping them on in no particular order. "Anxious to get dressed and leave, Yuu?" he prodded. Kanda looked up with a pissed look. "Why would you say that, baka usagi?" Lavi pointed at Kanda "Because you put your pants on before your boxers."

"Che. No, but I'm supposed to be in my room. What'll people think if I just go waltzing through the front entrance?" Kanda huffed, taking off his pants to put the boxers on. The redhead thought for a moment before answering Yuu's question. "That you couldn't open the lock and had to climb out the window to get out of your room." Kanda rolled his eyes and proceeded to dress. Lavi stood up and went rummaging for his things in the shrubs. Pausing as he bent over a bush to pick up a sock, he smiled a bit to himself. "Hey Yuu-chan, you'd better not be checking me out" The samurai pulled his boots on. "I have self control."

Kanda was just about ready to leave when he looked over at Lavi. Lavi had already dressed from the waist down, but was still looking for his shirt. Drawing closer Kanda put a hand on the other teen's chest. "What is this?" he asked, looking at all the small puncture holes over Lavi. Lavi swatted the hand away. "Well you know. In the heat of passion--" "I didn't do this to you" Kanda said, cutting off the slightly younger male. Lavi shrugged "I don't know, maybe it's from sleeping naked on the forest floor." the redhead said, trying to make excuses. The blue haired teen eyes him suspiciously. "Hnn. Meet me in my room at noon." he said before walking off, his long hair fluttering behind him.

Lavi had just enough time to get a quick breakfast. It was almost eleven thirty and Jerry closed the kitchen down at that time to get ready for lunch.

"Ah, Jerry-san! Oatmeal please." he asked the chef. Jerry looked over "Yes Lavi-san! Right away. You just made it." he cheered , letting his tied up pigtail looking hairdo swing around like ropes. Lavi got his tray and ate quickly before proceeding to Kanda's room. _Why do I have the feeling this is going to be bad? _The redhead entered the room quietly, seeing Kanda sitting on the bed. The exorcist looked up from his spot to meet Lavi's eyes. "Sit" he demanded coldly. Lavi felt a chill run up his spine and sat quickly. "Lavi, ever since you've come here, I feel I've strayed from what my purpose is. Like I'm trying to rebel against myself, and I don't like it." he started. Lavi swallowed hard and listened. There was a sickly feeling growing in his stomach. "So, I've decided it's over. We can't do…this anymore" Kanda sighed. Lavi grabbed onto Kanda's hand tightly. "Yuu-chan, why ending it? What's so wrong, nothing's happened!" he exclaimed. Kanda wrenched his hand back from Lavi. "How can you say that? Look at you. Someone's hurt you, haven't they?" the exorcist muttered, looking away from the other male. Lavi felt like he was going to break inside. "But , Kanda, I thought you loved me. I mean last night--"

"Last night was just a fling. You caught me off guard and had your way." Kanda said sternly. "Besides, love is out of the question. The only reason I ever looked at you was because I thought you were somebody worth looking for. But now I see you're not" Lavi's face distorted in disgust. "So what? You're going to keep bottling up you're feelings? Real mature Kanda" he said abruptly, standing up. Kanda clenched his fist. "Bottling up? Are you crazy! I've spilled my guts to you ever since you got here and I'm bottling up?!" he shouted loudly. The red head took a step back to shield himself from the volume of Kanda's voice. "You know Kanda, I wouldn't be surprised if you drove your friend away with that attitude" he yelled. There was a loud thud as Lavi hit the floor hard. "Gah!" he cried, wrapping his arms around the spot of impact on his abdomen. Kanda stepped back and watched as blood started to seep through the other teen's shirt. Lavi felt tears sting his eyes but struggled to keep them in. Looking up he saw the blue hair swordsman sheathed the bloodied blade of Mugen back to it's rightful place. "Yuu-chan…" "Just get out Lavi." he said quietly, hanging his head. Lavi removed a bloody hand from his side and reached to grab at Kanda's pant leg. "Please, Kanda" he breathed, starting to sniffle. Another pain surged through the apprentice as Kanda kicked his shaky hand away.

"Leave Lavi. I've nothing more to say to you" he spat coldly kicking the injured exorcist out the door, and slamming it shut. Lavi breathed heavily out in the hall. _It's over… it's all over_… he thought sadly. The hot tears ran down his cheek at last as Lavi lay in the hall, trying to collect himself._ I can't believe he stabbed me. Yuu-chan…please. There's a reason we were allowed to reunite like this. Don't… don't…._

The exorcist's eyes started to close as the blood loss made him lightheaded. The world started turning black, and a chilled feeling washed over him.

_Don't let me disappear…_


	10. A reason amoung reasons

Lavi's eyes opened slowly, gazing at the white painted infirmary ceiling. Blinking several times to adjust to the light, his eyes darting back and fourth around the room. The infirmary was empty at the moment, and the nurses weren't in the room. Sitting up, the redhead fought to remember the events that had lead him here. _Oh, that's right. Yuu…_ he thought sadly. Patting his bandages , Lavi sighed split up about the situation. On one hand, Bookman wanted him to end it, and since Kanda was so furious as to actually stab him, Lavi figured it was pretty much over. On the other hand, Lavi still felt a deep connection to Kanda. They had to have met again for a reason, like Lavi was supposed to be with Kanda. And for a time… if felt as if Kanda also felt that way too.

There was a click as the door opened. Turning, the redhead found Bookman. "Well, Lavi. I see Kanda has had it." he said, eyeing the wounds. Lavi took in a deep breath, trying not to cry. The oriental man continued to walk further until he reached the side of the bed. "I hope you've learned your lesson, Lavi." The exorcist did not respond for the second time. Bookman sighed and looked at his apprentice. "Lavi…look at me" he said, quietly but with the same strict tone. Lavi looked up at his teacher slowly. The oriental man's eyes bore into him , as if looking for the response he should have been given. In a moments time, Bookman turned away from his apprentice and walked over to the nightstand that was next to the bed. "Just this once…" he started, picking up an object on the table. Lavi's heartbeat quickened, thinking of the needle punishment he was given the day before. Bookman approached Lavi and placed the object in his hand. "Just this once you can let it out" he said. Lavi stared at the object in his hand. A handkerchief.

Feeling all the tears rush to his eyes at once, Lavi broke down into uncontrollable sobs. Bookman sat patiently by the bed as his apprentice cried. "Why…why…" the redheaded exorcist muttered through his hands. Why did I think he would see me? The tears soaked through the handkerchief quickly and Lavi was soon wringing out the piece of cloth. Bookman continued to wait by Lavi's side until the sobs had disappeared, and only tiny hiccupping noises remained. "Lavi, I don't do these things to be mean. You became my apprentice to record history as it is. What you didn't consider was how it changes who you can be. I realize that now more than ever. By doing these things like making friends, having relationships, we confuse fact with opinion. It's too complicated to clear your mind and record what is actually happening and what you believe is happening." Bookman explained. Lavi wiped away more tears with the wet cloth. "B-but, Kanda--" 'No more about Kanda. I remember the first time you were friends. The relationship with Kanda back then was exactly what I am trying to prevent from happening. Your existence changes history." Lavi felt his temper rise. "I didn't do anything to change history!" he spat coldly.

The oriental man quirked an eyebrow. "Oh really now? Kanda Yuu has changed since you were Ikari. According to Tiedoll, he spent a month without food or water grieving over your pretend death. And even now, as an exorcist, Kanda is looking for Ikari. Because Ikari was the only person he ever trusted. You changed him, Lavi. You gave false hope to someone who had never had a friend, or even knew how to make one. Your existence hurt that boy deeply. Now you pay for your actions. Here we are, seven years later and you go running back to him. Well Kanda has eyes for no one else but the boy who left him crying in the dirt all those years ago."

Lavi turned his head towards the window. "No, Yuu and I , had something while I was here. I know it. " Bookman's patience was wearing thin. "Lavi. What you and Kanda had was nothing but pipe dreams. You wish that he would see that you've returned. It'll never happen. The scars on that boy are too deep. The relationship that was cut seven years ago has blinded him. You could stand in front of him and tell him you're Ikari and he wouldn't even hear you." The red head felt more tears start to rush to his eyes as Bookman explained everything. Stepping away from his apprentice, Bookman walked towards the door. He paused with one had on the knob and glanced back at Lavi. "Emotions are dangerous, I've always told you that. Because of Ikari, Kanda Yuu will die alone at the hands of his own pain and suffering. But you will be the one to live with the guilt."

The door shut with a click, and the room was silent again.


	11. Chasing illusions

The next afternoon, Lavi was able to walk about the Order. He was not allowed on missions because the cut was still healing and they weren't sure if Lavi could manage a fight with multiple Akuma in his condition. The smell of lunch filled the air as clinking from the dining room noisily floated down the hallways.

"Kanda-san! Can you be on standby for a while?" Lenalee asked the exorcist. "Fine" the older male mumbled. Lavi hid behind the hallway's turn point, listening in on the conversation. "Good! Komui is so busy with stacked up paperwork, he hasn't assigned you a mission yet." the green haired girl chirped. Kanda twitched. "Is that all? Can I leave?" he growled angrily. Lenalee nodded. "Yes, yes. You can go" . The blue haired samurai strode down the hall in the direction Lavi was hiding. Panicking a bit, Lavi pretended to just turn the corner.

"Oh, ah… Kanda. Ohayo." Lavi said quickly. Kanda glared down at him coldly. The redhead shuddered as Kanda brushed past him coldly. His boots clicked together as he reached the corner. A silent pause hung over them for a moment. "…Ohayo" . Lavi turned quickly to catch Kanda, but he had disappeared around the corner. Only the end of his long blue locks flashed quickly before being whipped after him. Sighing softly, Lavi turned back towards the dining hall, and went to eat lunch.

Lavi sat down with his tray of food. Looking a the plates, Lavi started with the small sandwich, leaving the coleslaw and mini cheesecake for later. "Jerry-san, the usual" "Hai, hai-- Kanda. One moment" . Lavi looked over at Kanda, who was waiting by the food window for his order. He was back to his normal pissed self, as if none thing had ever happened. The exorcist felt a stab of pain go through him. _Like nothing ever happened. I never happened_. In one day, Lavi went from being a someone who was loved and recognized to the no one he was supposed to be. The whole in his heart that was there before Kanda reunited with him had opened up again. Lavi felt like everything was the same. Since bookman's little "pep talk", the redhead had felt useless and like he was weighed down by wet sand bags.

"Here you go, Kanda! Enjoy!" "Arigato, Jerry". Kanda took his tray and looked around the dining room. All the tables were full, except one all the way in the back of the room. And only one person was sitting there. Lavi. Lavi looked up hopefully, thinking maybe Kanda would sit with him and eat. Instead, Kanda saw Lavi look up, and left the dining room. _I guess he'd rather eat lunch outside. _Looking back down, Lavi finished his lunch in silence.

The Order was always filled with new activities. Komui wanted the exorcists to have a good time. Passing a door, Lavi heard classical music. It was graceful ,elegant, beautiful. Placing a hand on the door, the redhead closed his eyes. He froze and let the music wash over him some more. Such a beautifully sad tune. He'd heard it somewhere before. _A fairytale? No, and old legend_. Removing his hand from the door, Lavi thought back to the legend he was thinking of.

--Long ago, a young farmer's son befriended a rich traveler's daughter. They were together only a month, but were the best of friends . On the day the farm boy decided to tell his friend how he felt about her, he waited three hours at the tree the used to meet at. The tree was deep in the forest and the boy climbed it to look around for his sweetheart. Soon, disappointed, the boy went home. As he got to the edge of the forest he saw the neighborhood doctor talking to some people. He recognized the people as the girl's parents. Asking his father what happened, the Farmer replied that the traveler girl had been attacked and killed on her way to the forest. The farmer's son watched the doctor carry away what was left of his good friend. As the boy cried in his room, his mother went to comfort him. "Please, stop your crying." she pleaded with him. The boy's tears fell some more. "Make her come back! I didn't even say goodbye!" the boy shouted. The Farmer, looking alarmed, sat next to his son. "Never call to her like that again." he said sternly. "You'll draw malignant spirits". The next day, the son went back into the deep forest to the meeting tree. He began to cry again as he remembered the good times they shared. "Why, why…" the boy cried. Sniffing, he looked up . Through his tears he saw a blurred figure. Wiping away his tears, the farmer saw it was his friend. "Shizuku!" he called out. The girl turned away from his and started to run off. "Wait! Wait!' he yelled after the girl. Trailing behind her, he kept calling for her. Soon they got to a river, and the girl ran into the rushing waters. The farm boy reached out to grab onto her sleeve. "No, Shizuku! The river!" he yelled. His fingers went right through her sleeve and he fell through what he thought was his friend. Plunging into the icy waters, the boy surfaced for air. The rapids were strong and the boy had trouble staying up. "Shizuku! Shizuku! Help!" he called. The girl put a finger to her lips, and vanished.

The boy was found three days later at the river banks outside of town. He'd drowned to death. --

_How ironic_. thought Lavi. _The boy was chasing after an illusion, just like Kanda is. _The music continued to play and Lavi opened the door a crack to peek inside. He'd expected a music room, instead it was an empty dance studio. Lavi entered the room, his boots making soft clunking sounds on the ground. He reached the middle of the dance studio and stopped, looking for the source of the music. Finally, Lavi's green eye settled on the record player by the long, ceiling to floor window. **Slam, click**! The dance studio door closed behind Lavi. "Do you think it's an illusion?" a voice asked. Turning quickly, Lavi saw Kanda . He had hidden behind the door as Lavi entered. "What's an illusion?" Lavi asked. The samurai stepped forward. "The deal with Ikari. I've been thinking that I've seen him or heard him lately. But…" he said, trailing off. Lavi followed his gaze to the record player. "Oh, the legend" . Kanda had been listening to the record, trying to sort things out. Lavi sat in on of the stools at the studio's wall.

"Well, an illusion is something with a deceptive appearance. It could be something that you think exists but doesn't. Or, it could be that your vision appears to be one thing but is in fact another." _Yet both seem to describe the situation with Ikari. How eerie_. Lavi shifted in his chair. "The real question is not whether or not Ikari is an illusion, but whether or not you think Ikari is something, or someone, else." Kanda walked up to the window. Gazing out at the dreary scenery , he gave of a little sigh. "It always comes back to that doesn't it. Like one big circle where every question is answered with a question." The redhead ran a hand through his hair. "That's life for you. You never know the answers and you die before you get them."

Standing up, Lavi started to leave the room. "Lavi" The exorcist turned around. "Your injury. I apologize." Kanda said bluntly. Smiling softly, Lavi turned towards the door again, a feeling of relief inside his heart. "No need to. I provoked you, and said hurtful things." The silence was broken by the soft clunking of Lavi's boots as he walked through the doorway. With one hand on the doorknob, he turned to face Kanda again. "Kanda, don't be afraid of chasing an illusion. Illusions give us hope, meaning, and determination. They may not always work out, and sometimes we lose sight of what we originally saw. Yet we always end up chasing that illusion in the end."

The samurai looked up at Lavi, his blue eyes were soft compared to their usual piercing nature. "Do you chase illusions, Lavi?" The apprentice paused for a moment. Then looked up with his one visible green eye. "Unfortunately , I was put into a position where that is not possible"

The door clicked shut, and Lavi walked down the long halls alone.

_My illusion is to turn that impossible into possible. It's an illusion that is always just beyond my fingertips._


	12. Enter Allen Walker

It was unusually chilly for a summer night. The Order wasn't stirring, except for those in the science department. "Will we ever sleep!" Johnny exclaimed, dropping loads of paper work onto one of the many wood tables. Sinking into the chair opposite Reever he sighed. "We've been working for days on end I'm going to die at this rate" he complained quietly. Reever looked up from his work to take a sip of the lemon soda beside him. "It'll be over soon Johnny. Just get these done and bring them over to Komui and tomorrow we only have a half day of work." he said. Reever's pen scratched the paper noisily as he marked up the page. "What're you all going to do with your half day?" he asked the other scientists. "Sleep!" one exclaimed from the back of the room. The room seemed to nod in agreement. Johnny smiled. "I'm also going to play chess with Suman."

Lavi walked into the room and tapped Reever on the shoulder. "Sorry to bother. Have you seen the old panda?" Reever nodded. "With Komui" he said, pointing towards the office door. "Thanks". The red haired teen was about to open the door when Bookman exited the room. "Oh, I was just looking for you." Lavi smiled. His teacher looked up at him. "Hnn, what for?" Lavi unfolded a piece of paper from his pocket. "This " he simply said, handing the creased and slightly crumpled material to Bookman. Looking over it, Bookman replied to his student. "This is an alternate ending to a legend on malignant spirits. Why the interest in it?" the short oriental man asked. Scratching his head, Lavi pointed to the paper his teacher held. "If this is a legend, why did someone make an alternate ending for it? You told me that a legend is a story passed down through generations trying to be passed a history. But they're unlikely to be true. So why does this legend have an alternate ending?"

His teacher seemed to frown at the words on the page. "It could possibly be a variation on the legend. Told by another person. It doesn't say it's the same writer." he explained quickly.

Lavi took the paper back and bowed a little. "Thanks" he said. Bookman nodded and walked off, a little peeved that his student would ask such an idiotic question. Sitting in one of the empty chairs, Lavi relaxed as the scientists worked by the dim blue glow of the surveillance monitor . Squinting at the paper, he re-read the alternate ending.

-- The boy sat under the tree where he and his sweetheart used to meet for a few hours. Thinking of all the wonderful adventures they had been on, he started to cry again and wished to see her. The boy's sorrows devoured him slowly and he did not move from the base of the tree. Days passed and he had not moved, nor had he eaten anything. His family came to visit him, and tried to persuade him to come home, but the boy was to saddened to stand. He wanted to be rooted to the memories of the girl he'd lost.

On the sixth day, the boy woke up early in the morning. He was leaning against the tree, looking up at the blue sky. His tears had dried up and he was ready to go home. Moving his left leg, he noticed an unusual weight. The boy looked in horror at his leg, his face turning very pale. The leg was rooted down to the ground. Panicking, the farmer's son stood up. He moved every which way to free himself. It was no use. Tripping over the rooted leg, the boy's right hand slapped the tree trunk. The moment the hand connected, it too became part of the tree.

Screaming for help, the boy kicked and struggled to free his limbs. As the hours went on, the boy more and more frightened as the bark spread over his body. Neighbors who had heard the screaming came to the forest. They followed his cries until dusk . Coming to the towering meeting tree, the neighbors of the farmer boy stood in horror.

The boy had been covered in tree bark until he couldn't move, and his mouth was still wide in pain. Leaving the boy at the tree's side, they went to tell his parents the news.

The next day, a memorial stone was placed in front of him.

"Rooted to memories" --

Lavi returned the paper to his pocket._ Rooted to memories meaning… not able to let go? Living in the past? Why this legend at this time. _He though impatiently. Leaning further into the chair, Lavi thought of the story, the alternate ending, the situation with Kanda. All of it related, but how does he move forward from here? Lavi's blood raced as his mind tried picking the right pieces of the puzzle out. His concentration was broken by an outburst.

"There's someone at the front gate!"

The scientists gathered around the, somewhat hovering, surveillance image. From the back of the crowd, Lavi could see it was a young man in tattered , worn down clothes , and gray hair. Reever stepped aside as Komui rushed into the room. "What? The gate?" he asked, spilling some of the lukewarm coffee from his bunny mug. "Yeah, we don't know if he's akuma or human. The scan showed both, he's a demon!" Johnny panicked. Reever sighed. "Calm down he has to be one or the other". Komui's usual gleeful face was serious and rather concerned. "Send Kanda" he said. Lavi's ears perked up at the exorcist's name. Lenalee sent Kanda out and a few seconds later the samurai exorcist appeared on the screen.

Kanda seemed to have been pestered with this task at the wrong time. His coat was undone, showing off his bandaged abdomen. Lavi could almost feel the sweat drop appear above his head. _Just like Yuu to make his entrance shirtless…. _Something about the stranger must've really pissed Kanda off cause he went straight into mugen mode, almost impaling the young man's head on the sword.

"My master should've sent you a letter in the mail! My name is Allen Walker!" The young, almost feminine, voice said nervously. Komui laughed awkwardly and took Reever to sort through the huge pile of letters and papers in his office. The scientists were crowded around the monitor, still waiting for an ok from Komui. Popping his head out of the office he had a letter in his hand "It's ok." he said, slightly embarrassed. Lavi smiled, returning his vision to the screen in time to see Lenalee trot outside and hit Kanda with a clipboard. Pfft! I can't believe he stood for that.

As for the new exorcist that had a slightly rough entrance, Lavi looked at him in a new light. _Allen Walker, huh_. The redhead thought to himself. Walking out of the room, he ran a hand through his hair and inhaled deeply. _I won't introduce myself just yet. I'll look you up, see what you're made of. _Clunking down the empty polished halls, Lavi felt a smile on his lips. _You might be the thing I need to open Yuu's eyes. But with his temper, good luck. _

The apprentice ducked into his room, leaving the door open a crack. Sitting on his bed, he listened to the footsteps coming down the hall. "My nii-san will take a look at your arm, Allen." "Arigato, Lenalee-san." .Lenalee escorted the silver haired teen towards Komui's office, unaware of Lavi's watchful eye. Allen paused and turned towards Lavi's door, as if he felt the gaze. The apprentice dived out of the line of view quickly. Allen turned around and kept following Lenalee. Sitting on the floor of the cold, chilly room, Lavi felt a tear come to his eye. _Enter Allen Walker… _Lavi took off his shoes and lay flat on the bed.

… _he looks like someone who would be a good friend. _


	13. Does cooling exist?

The next day, Lavi woke up late, at around one in the afternoon. Bookman came in as he was putting on his shoes. "Late night?" he asked, almost mockingly. Lavi shrugged. "Up late observing the science department. Saw the deal with Allen Walker too" . The red head stood up and stretched. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Lavi's yawn was stopped short as he turned towards his teacher. "Nani? Allen Walker?" Bookman nodded. "He's the child prophesized to be the destroyer of time." the oriental man said coldly. Lavi's expression said everything. He was clueless. Bookman rolled his eyes. "It seems Allen Walker may be the one to defeat the Earl of Millennium." . The apprentice nodded. "So we'll keep a close eye on him, then?" . Bookman motioned for his student to follow him. "Keep a close eye on his, yes. Also, keep an eye out for suspicious innocence activity." he said quickly. Lavi quirked an eyebrow up. "Suspicious innocence activity?"

"I'll explain when the time comes." The elderly man stopped outside a door. "You can go now." he said shortly before entering the other room.

_That was a pretty rude way of excusing me. _As Lavi turned around, Kanda stormed around the corner. Obviously pissed, he was muttering inaudible under his breath. "Kanda, what's up?" . The exorcist punched the wall angrily. "Stupid moyashi. Thinks he's tough, be dead in no less than a week. Damn Komui and his stupid missions." he hissed through his teeth. Lavi smiled, piecing together the random thoughts. "Oh. The new kid pisses you off and you got stuck on a mission with him." Lavi chuckled softly. Kanda looked like he was giving off steam. "Che. Baka moyashi. With his stupid gray hair. Old fart." he spat angrily. Lavi patted his friend's back. "Erm…hey, Kanda… I heard it was your birthday today!" Lavi exclaimed, trying to divert the samurai from the subject of Allen.

"And just how did you gain that information?" . Lavi smiled. "Komui will do anything for a handmade bunny plush doll dressed like Lenalee." . Kanda gave off a small "Che" before looking back at Lavi. "So what if it's my birthday? I still have to put up with all these morons." he snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. The redhead bounced on his heels. "Oh really? Is that the proper attitude towards the picnic lunch set up by one of those morons?" he asked, smirking to himself. Kanda's eyes seemed to widen a bit. "Erm…" Lavi inched closer. "Erm…yes?" he asked. Lavi poked Kanda's side teasingly, waiting for the samurai to snap out of the daze and into battle mode. "Stop poking me , baka usagi!" _Ah, the proper reaction…yet a little delayed_. Kanda seemed a little nervous. Though you had to look closely, his hands poised a the ends of his delicately crossed arms were trembling.

"I guess…one lunch…" he mumbled quietly. Lavi jumped up "Great! It's a date." he declared , loud enough for a few other exorcists to hear. "Sh-shut up! Don't call it that!" The redhead simply bounced on his heels and walked away. "I'll get it ready." Lavi smiled gently as he could hear Kanda shouting "It's not a date!" to the eavesdropping exorcists.

Lavi had everything set up in about an hour. It was around three by the time he was able to get Kanda agree to put on the blindfold, though. "This is stupid. Why do I need a blind fold for food?" he muttered. Lavi held onto his friend's hand gently, and guided him over the hill until they reached the willow tree they disrupted one night. "Ta-da, Yuu-chan!" he said, taking off the blindfold. Kanda stared at the meal. Soba mostly, green tea, inari (bean curd), and cheesecake. The samurai exorcists sighed with annoyance. "You do not know how out of place that cheesecake looks." he laughed. Lavi smiled. Yuu hasn't laughed like that for a while.

Kanda sat down, cross-legged, on the white bed sheet. "Are these your bed sheets? " Kanda asked. Lavi looked up. "Yeah, why?". The older male pointed down. " The fudge sauce from the cheesecake dripped all over your sheets." Lavi did what is known in the anime world , a major face palm. "Doesn't matter. I'll have something to snack on as I sleep." Kanda practically choked on the long soba noodles. "Pfft! Bed sheet sucker." he laughed. Lavi's face twisted into a pout. "I do not suck bed sheets." The blue haired exorcist pointed at Lavi. "You said it two freakin' seconds ago!" . The apprentice shook his head defiantly. "No, no, no. I did not"

"Che, ok. I'm Lavi, I suck bed sheets. " Kanda said, in a goofy voice. Lavi flinched. "Well I'm Kanda! I wear low rise pants!" Lavi imitated. Kanda's eyebrows knit together. "My pants are not that low, they are cut to the waist." he said, quite seriously. Rolling his one visible eye, the apprentice pointed to Kanda's pants. "If by waist you mean crotch, then yeah, they're cut to the waist." . Kanda gave a small huff. "Says the idiot who wear white pants."

"White pants go with anything!"

"Na-ah! Black pants go with everything you modernized weirdo"

"What good are your black pants if they're cut so low?!"

"That's it, jackass, you're pissing me off!"

"Yeah ,if those pants were any lower you'd be pissing on me"

What was supposed to be a happy birthday picnic soon erupted into an all out wrestling match. "Dig a hole, baka usagi!" Kanda shouted, smashing Lavi's face into the soft soil. Lavi kicked Kanda's knee and was able to clamber on top of the samurai. "Say I was right, say it!" Lavi yelled, gripping Kanda into a headlock. "Gahh, damn it stop pulling my hair!" the older male hissed. Lavi was just about through with the wrestling moves. "We're doing it my way, now" he said, slapping Kanda across the face. The exorcist's head remained bent for a moment, concerning Lavi. Yet the samurai looked up with tremendous anger. 'You dare bitch-slap me? You're toast!" he said, tackling Lavi. After a few more rounds of struggling slaps, Lavi looked up at Kanda's face.

It was riddled with red slap marks , and to a certain extent , Lavi was also slapped silly. A small hum escaped Kanda's lips. Lavi couldn't believe it. He was laughing over something at weird as a slap fight?! Kanda burst out into giggles. "You should see your face! Pfft ha ha ha!" Lavi started to laugh too as he caught a glimpse of his red marked face in one of Kanda's shiny silver buttons. Rolling off of the pinned apprentice, Kanda tried suppressing the giggles. He was cut off short by the ringing of his wireless golem, that was now hovering over his blue hair. Lavi watched the older male answer. "Hai?"

"Ah, Kanda-san. We need you to start packing for your mission. Allen in waiting" .Kanda cringed at the silver haired exorcist's name. "Che. I don't care if I keep him waiting for hours." he hissed to the golem. Komui's disembodied voice seemed to go up a notch. "Kanda. No excuses or complaints, get here--"_A little demanding hnnn?_. "--and pack already!!"

Kanda stood up and brushed the dirt off of his long exorcist coat. "Hai" he answered, shortly hanging up on Komui. Lavi looked up at him sadly. I_ should've known it would end up like this_. The Japanese teen seemed to see Lavi's disappointment, because he did something very odd. "It was nice of you to set this up. Thanks." he said quickly. Lavi felt a weight on top of his head. Kanda was patting his head? "Your intentions were good." he soothed, running his fingers through the younger male's red hair. Lavi blushed furiously. Yet as soon as it happened, it ended. Kanda withdrew his hand and started to walk back to the order.

"Ah! Yuu-chan!" Lavi called. The exorcist turned around. "Hmm?". The apprentice handed a small box to Kanda. "Y-your birthday present." The look on Kanda's face gave Lavi a warm feeling inside. Anxiously, the long haired teen opened the package. His long thin fingers fished out a long pearl bracelet. "A bracelet?" Kanda asked. Lavi nodded. "Pearl is your birthstone. Wearing your birthstone is supposed to bring you luck. H-here" he said ,taking the bracelet from Kanda's delicate hands. He reached for Kanda's left wrist and fastening the ocean gems around it. "Ok!" Lavi smiled. Kanda looked down at it shyly. "Domo arigato…"he said.

Lavi sighed with relief inside. _Let this be my thanks for the mirror_. Kanda jumped up a bit. "Ah, I have to pack. Kuso.." he swore lightly. Waving goodbye to Lavi, he flashed a small smile. "I won't take it off.." he said before disappearing over the hill. The red head sank into the grass.

_Your melting… thank goodness_.

--


	14. Within the ashes

An author's note before the story: the facts about Pompeii and Herculaneum are all true. I've seen an experienced the horrific results of a natural disaster first hand. So when I describe these things with disturbing detail, it's only what I saw as a child of eight years. It's been six years since that and the images still disturb me.

All that could be said was that Lavi was waiting patiently. Kanda's mission turned out to be a double, and he left Allen at the site of the innocence and went to his next location. Looking out the window, the redhead saw Allen Walker in the courtyard. _Hnn. Kanda seemed in a rush to leave your side. So expected. _Lavi slowly rose from the stool he was sitting on and walked across the room. The tiles clunked under his heavy black boots._ What I'm standing on is sinking in, and I don't have a clue how to get off of it. But when I look at you there is hope… _

The door clicked open as Bookman entered the room. "Lavi. You have a mission." The apprentice looked up. "Yes. Ok" he hummed. Komui's instructions were short. "Go here, finders are waiting." the instructions choppy due to a rampaging Komurin in the background. Lavi left the perimeters of the science department, the echoes of Komui shouting "Hate the coffee, not the machine!" following him like a ghost.

The instruction sheet led him to a train bound for Sorrento, Italy. Not far from there was the archeological site Pompeii and Herculaneum. The train sped well on into the night, and Lavi looked out the window. The pitch night almost seemed to reach out and suffocate him. _I've been living on the edge of the darkness so long, should be used to the sickening pull_. He placed a shaky hand over his chest. Feeling for the small silver mirror hidden there, Lavi inhaled deeply. _Oh Yuu, have we cooled off? You seem so indifferent now_. He pulled out the mirror out of it's hiding place. "I can still feel the warmth your skin had so many years ago.."

The train rocked the exorcist to sleep. As his eyes shut, his mind slipped into the old memories from so long ago.

"Ikari! Look over there, a shooting star" Kanda said, pointing to the streak of light staining the sky. Ikari smiled. "Wow! That's amazing." he sighed to himself. The grass beneath them swayed in the breeze. Kanda's hair came to a length between his chin and shoulders. Ikari pulled at a lock of it. "Yuu, are you going to keep growing it out?" he asked quietly . Kanda pulled his eyes off the skies to lock them with Ikari's. "Yeah. I like it like this." The remained silent a moment before reverting their eyes back to the skies.

"The stars out here are so beautiful." the red haired child marveled. Kanda laughed. "Something you won't see anywhere else, I guess."

The wind picked up and sent chills over Ikari. Kanda looked over. "You're cold?" he asked bluntly. Ikari waved a hand. I'm fine, I'm fin-" the child was cut off as a pair of warm arms wrapped around him. Closing his eyes, Ikari sank into the warmth of his friend. The grassy field they lay in hushed them with gentle breezes. Opening one eye, Ikari gazed upon the blue moonlight locks. "Yuu-chan, when your hair gets long enough, can I braid it?"

Through his red hair, Ikari could feel Kanda's lips press into a smile. "Without a doubt"

Lavi's green eyes shot open as the train jolted him out of those days. Catching a glimpse of his reflection in the silver mirror, Lavi saw the tears streaming down his face._ It's even painful to dream about_. A loud whistle sounded as the train pulled into Sorrento. The sun was just about to break the dark sky as Lavi hopped onto the platform. A beige cloaked finder was waiting by the station. "Lavi-san. My name is Miguel, I'll be your finder"

The red head nodded shortly and followed Miguel to a horse and carriage. The horse trotted down the dirt roads quickly. Miguel pulled out some paper. "Here's a sketch of what we're investigating." . The doodles on the sheet showed the rough outlines of the famous bodies of Pompeii.

As some of you may know, Pompeii and Herculaneum were buried when Mt. Vesuvius erupted. Herculaneum was buried in mud , but Pompeii was rained on by volcanic ash. The ash continued to fall and turned the noon sky black. Then, when the eruption climaxed, a poisonous cloud of volcanic gases and buried Pompeii. The tightly packed volcanic ashes and mud preserved the two cities for hundreds of years until it was dug up. One of the most famous and disturbing icons of Pompeii are the bodies. The volcanic explosion that sent the almost avalanche like debris cloud suffocated the people and encased them in hardened debris. The bodies were frozen in the positions and agony of their last moments. Some portray people covering their faces in fear, others disturbing images of mothers hugging their children tightly, parents using themselves as human shields to protect their children.

Lavi ran his eye over the page. "The bodies? What of them?" Lavi questioned. Miguel scratched his head. "Well, one night a few scientists were looking at the bodies and the murals on the wall when something odd happened." The finder motioned for Lavi to lean in closer.

"One of the encased bodies was screaming…" Lavi's green eyes widened. "Who's the exorcist on this case?" he asked quickly. Miguel held a hand up as the carriage stopped. "He's waiting outside." he said, pointing out the dew covered window.

"Good morning, baka usagi"

Kanda was standing with his back against a pillar holding up the hotel awning. Lavi scrambled out of the car. "Yuu-chan!" he gasped happily. The exorcist rolled his eyes. "You know, after having to spend time with moyashi, I actually miss you." . Lavi felt shy as Kanda smirked at him.

_On second thought…maybe we're as hot as ever _

--


	15. A more mature take on things

"Nyah, Yuu-chan what're you doing here?" he asked. Kanda turned his head. "Che. Don't call me that, baka. " Miguel walked up to Kanda and handed him a letter from Komui, then walked into the building. Lavi watched Kanda tear the letter open and read the chicken scratch that was Komui's handwriting. "Hnn." he hummed disapprovingly. "Ok, Lavi, come with me." he said. Lavi followed shyly, watching Kanda go up a spiral staircase into the dark gloomy stairwell. The hotel was quite nice, not at all gloomy on purpose. It just so happened that the curtains were drawn in the stairwell windows.

Kanda looked back at Lavi quickly. "Do you like scenery?" he asked, almost awkwardly. The redhead nodded quickly. "Yes, I do" _Jeeze, that didn't sound like an answer, it sounded more like a wedding vow. _Reaching the top of the stairs, and the middle of the hallway, Kanda pulled out a key. He opened the door and let Lavi go in first. The redhead was stunned. There was a large window that took the place of a wall, overlooking Sorrento.

The hotel Amina was on the very top of the largest hill in Sorrento. From there you could see the lush hills around it filled with lemon, orange, and fig trees. Big blooming flowers with butterflies dancing around them (far from the hostile image a Tease gives off), the olive grove across the dirt road, and a grand view of the blue bay. "Wow, it's so beautiful." Lavi marveled. Kanda smiled a bit and kicked off his shoes. "We don't have to investigate until tomorrow. You're tired and we need to go down to the local train station and take the train one or two stops to get to Pompeii."

Only half listening to Kanda, Lavi stared out the window at the scenery. "Ok.." he mumbled. The blue haired exorcist went to the nightstand drawer and gathered a few items. "I'm taking a shower, ok? Don't do anything stupid." he said bluntly, shutting the bathroom door behind him. Lavi lay on the bed and curled his fingers around the locks of fiery red head. Laying there silently, the consequences of his long journey seemed to catch up with him. He was tired, he hadn't eaten for a while. _Yuck, the stuff they had on the train wasn't so good. I only ate half of it. And I didn't even get to sleep until the last few minutes_. Suddenly another bodily annoyance hit him. Great, now I need to pee. Knowing he wouldn't be able to hold it, Lavi jumped up and knocked on the bathroom door. "Kanda--" "What" the voice from inside was slightly pissed. "I need to use the restroom." Lavi said, to tired to put some emotion into it. "Can it wait?" the samurai exorcist asked. Lavi leaned against the door frame. "I haven't gone since I was on the train. I won't look at you or anything. There's a curtain separating us." the apprentice moaned.

"Actually no, there's a glass shower door." Kanda shouted above the running water.

Lavi banged his head against the wall. "The pain is excruciating.." . There was a squeak as the water shut off and Kanda opened the door, wrapped in a blue towel. "Come on come one, do it and get out." he snapped. Kanda walked out of the bathroom, dripping onto the soft but firmly woven rug. His hair still had streaks of shampoo running through it , and as Lavi' eye traveled lower he noticed one of Kanda's legs were bleeding. "Yuu-chan… your leg." he pointed. The older male looked at his leg and hissed. "Kuso" he frowned as the cut healed up, leaving new smooth skin behind. "Yuu-chan, how'd you cut your leg?" The exorcist blushed for a moment. "Er… mugen fell and.. Do you have to go or not?!" Kanda yelled, remembering what Lavi dragged him out for.

"Ok, Ok. Jeeze" Lavi muttered, hurrying into the bathroom. A few moments later he emerged and nodded for Kanda to return to his bath. The older male closed the door and Lavi went back to the bed and lay down. _I guess we really have cooled down_. Feeling hot tears stinging his eyes, Lavi buried his face in the soft pillows adorning the bed. _So far away…_he thought, letting the tears fall from his green eyes. _We've been far away too long_. Inhaling deeply, the redhead controlled himself and steadied his breathing. The shower squeaked off. The room was silent for a few minutes before Kanda emerged from the bathroom. His white shirt clinging to the somewhat damp skin and wet hair dripping down his back, he walked over to the bed. "Oi, you ok, baka usagi?" he asked quietly. Looking up with a green eye, Lavi hummed lowly. "Something bothering you?" Kanda questioned. He sat next to the younger teen and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm just…." Lavi started, not really sure how to finish his sentence. "I'm just so confused and it's like whatever I do, I never get anywhere." Kanda's long went hair brushed against his cheek.

"I understand." he whispered. The two sat in silence. A warm pressure was applied to Lavi's back. Straining to get a look, he saw Kanda rubbing his back slowly. "You know, in an odd way… you remind me of someone I used to know." Kanda said, a smile upon his delicate lips. Lavi tried to hide his grin. "What about me reminds you of that someone?" Applying more pressure to Lavi's shoulders, Kanda took a moment to think. "Let's see, you're both persistent and slightly annoying. You call me Yuu, like he did. And…" Kanda listed, stopping at and. The redhead smirked. "Oh? And what?" The older exorcist shook his head, sending droplets everywhere. "No, no. It's nothing." he denied. Lavi laughed. "What, what , what? Tell me" Kanda huffed angrily. "Che. Whiny brat. I'm not telling you anything." Turning around fiercely, Lavi grabbed a hold of Kanda's wrist. "Hey, not needed. I'm not whiny, you're misleading. Either finish the sentence or don't put an and at the end."

Turning his head away, Kanda smirked. "Really? I'm misleading. Seems you're just really curious for this information. I bet you'd do anything if I told you." Lavi crossed his arms. "I am not a child. I have standards young man."

'Young man? We're the same age! As a matter of fact, I'm older!"

"Young man, though you may be older your maturity level is that of an eight year old"

"Listen, boy, I don't mess around with punks like you."

Smirking triumphantly ,Lavi started his exit line. "But you do mess around with punks like me. And as I remember,_ I_ was on _top_!" Kanda seemed to reel back in horror. "You did not just play the seme/uke card." he growled. Lavi grinned with joy mockingly. "Yes I did play the card. Suits you very well, that feminine figure of yours could never work out as a seme. "

Lavi wasn't sure when or how it happened, but within a minute Kanda had him pinned down. "I won't work as a seme, hmm? We'll just see." The redhead sighed internally as Kanda kissed him roughly. _And sometimes…_Lavi was blushing like crazy as Kanda took control.

…_we're on fire._

--


	16. Meant to feel this?

Walking down the dirt road, Ikari smiled as the wind made the trees shush. It was an overcast day, and the sun had hidden itself behind the gray canvas of clouds. He'd made this trip so many times he could do it blindfolded. It was a ritual to him. And as always, there was Kanda Yuu, sitting at the edge of the road.

"Oi, oi! Ikari-san!" he called out, waving his hands. Ikari ran up to him. "Yuu-chan!" he exclaimed. Though he had ran so long to Kanda, Ikari didn't run out of breath. "Yuu-chan…"Ikari breathed happily. Kanda's hair was short again, it stopped between his shoulders and his neck. The blue shone brilliantly even without the sun. Kanda smiled sweetly, as he always did, and motioned for Ikari to take a seat. "Yuu-chan, you cut your hair! You're tired of it being so long?" the red head asked. The eighteen year old ran a hand into his shortened hair, letting it entangle it's fingers in the locks. "No, I'm just starting over." Ikari raised an eyebrow. "Starting over? What do you mean?" . It remained silent as the two sat at the edge of the dirt road. "I've moved on, I guess you can say I'm giving up."

Jumping to his feet in a hurry, Ikari grabbed Kanda's collar. "Giving up on what?! What are you done with!" he screamed. Not even phased by the sudden outburst, Kanda looked up into Ikari's eyes. They were so distant and hard to reach…the blue was so steely...like the sky .

"I'm done with you, Lavi"

_NO!_ Lavi woke with a start , panting and drenched in cold sweat. _No, Kanda isn't done. Is he? _Trying to recall what happened, or even where he was, Lavi looked over at the other side of the bed. Kanda was sleeping with the covers pulled up to his nose, his bangs fluttering at every exhale. While it was cute, Lavi couldn't savor the moment. His insides felt queasy. He felt feverish and fearful. It was like a never ending circle for them. Love, lust, fear , pain and around again. Stories that led nowhere, dreams that stalked them on the peripheral of their sanity. Signs that contradict each other.

Peeling off the covers, Lavi headed towards the shower in an attempt to wash away the anxieties. The shower turned on with a squeak and the steam soon fogged the glass beside him. Putting his head under the hot water, the redhead rinsed his hair out. He was about to scrub in shampoo when he was startled by a pair of arms slinking around his waist. Gasping slightly he turned to find Kanda smiling down at him. "Who'd you think it was?" he laughed. Lavi scowled. "Don't do that, baka" Kanda pressed himself closer to the bookman in training. "Lavi, do you feel like we've met before?" he asked bluntly. Caught off guard, the redhead breathed in deeply to slow his quickening heart rate. "Ahh? I'm not quite reading you."

The older male let his hands slide lower down the front of Lavi. "It's this odd feeling I can't explain. No matter how many times I try to get rid of you, you always end up in some sort of physical situation." Lavi sighed. "Maybe it's just physical attraction. You've obviously just came out of the closet. Maybe this is just a way to get out that pent up sexual frustration."

Kanda pushed Lavi against the shower wall. "Frustration? I don't think so." Lavi got a little nervous as Kanda's grip tightened. "How is it that all this shit happened once you came to the order? I've been trying to search for answers and so are you. You can't hide that look"

"What look"

Snorting, Kanda shook some water out of his eyes. "That pitiful look every time you look at me. What is it huh? Do you feel sorry for me?!" he said. The words felt horribly, and Lavi didn't even say them. Kanda seemed to slump over and inhale deeply. "Never mind. I can't get any information out of this." Lavi's heart sunk as Kanda turned and stepped out of the shower stall. _If only I could tell you, Oh Kanda, if only I could I would tell you everything. _Kanda wrapped a towel around his wait, trying to hide his sadness. "See you Lavi, I'm going for a walk."

The door clicked and all was silent.

The red head slumped and sat on the shower floor. "Shit"

That pain that kept returning to his chest every time this happened. A pain he'd felt so many years before. Lavi placed a hand over the sweet piercing feeling in his chest.

It was love.

--


	17. Bookman's Illusion

His hair was still dripping wet when Lavi exited the horribly humid bathroom. Rushing straight for the coat laying on the floor, he plucked the silver mirror from it's hiding place. Holding the cool metal to his chest , the red head fingers curled around the mirror's frame work. The etched lotus blossoms were still striking, like the day they were carved.

"Oh Kami" he prayed, "Please don't let this pain repeat itself…"

"I need and ending! And I need it soon!". Quickly, he stuffed the precious item into it's pocket and slipped the jacket on. He rushed out of the hotel room in search of Kanda. The hallways were dark, and Lavi couldn't see very well. After a few minutes of blindly groping the walls, the redhead was able to find he staircase. "Easy…easy.." Lavi muttered to himself. He went down one step at a time, finally reaching the bottom platform. "Oh good. Huh, I thought there were a lot more turns on that stair-" his foot fell through the darkness and Lavi plummeted down the rest of the stairs.

There was chaos as Lavi hit the bottom platform.

"Ugh"

"Watch where you're going jackass!"

"Yuu-chan?"

"Baka usagi! Off!"

Lavi scrambled to his feet, barely able to see Kanda's lean thin frame. "Yuu-chan, please… I don't pity you! I admire you." Even in the dark, Lavi could see Kanda's outline stiffen. "B-baka usagi, running after me to try and spout nonsense." Lavi grabbed a hold on the blue haired teen's wrist and gripped it tightly. "It's not nonsense! Kanda, you are strong, beautiful, and afraid to be hurt. I know that! I know emotional pain is so frightening because your lotus can't heal it!"

Kanda let his wrist drop, and Lavi's grip became gentle as he held the thin hand to his chest. "Since when was vulnerability admirable" he sighed, his normally calm voice quivering. "It's been admirable since I met you…" Lavi soothed. The darkness of the stairwell made it easier for Lavi to talk. He did not have to look Kanda in the eye, it was too nerve wracking. "Kanda, you're very brave. You have the courage to go and find that person you've been looking for. I…have been taught that what is gone is gone. If your search for your friend makes you cry…then cry. Cry loudly because you want him home. Cry because if you let it all out he might hear you, or reach out to you." Now even the calm apprentice's voice began to quiver as tears rolled down Kanda's face.

"Kanda Yuu, I lo--" A big explosion rocked the two in the staircase, cutting Lavi off. "Akuma?!" Kanda exclaimed. Lavi held on tightly to the railing of the stairs. "I don't know!". Clouds of dust and debris rained down as the old building shook violently. Running for the door, Lavi's pant leg snagged on a piece of metal jutting out from the hotel frame. "Gak!" he exclaimed, hitting the ground hard. A loud moan emerged from the upper floors of the structure as the remaining beams buckled. Wide eyed in horror Lavi could only see two things. The ceiling plummeting towards him….and Kanda sprinting towards him with an outstretched arm.

Then all was black.

It was pitch black and all Lavi could smell was moldy debris. Sand and dust coated the inside of his throat, causing him to cough uncontrollably. It hurt to even breath in through his mouth. Nestled in the wreckage he tried to look for the outlines of the wood, though the couldn't see a thing. The apprentice panicked as he analyzed the situation. _Am I bleeding? Is help coming? I feel numb, I can't feel anything. _The teen squirmed in his tight air pocket. It was hopeless, the initial impact had left him numb. Lavi tried to calm himself down. If it was only the impact, in a little while he would feel pain. The wreckage was keeping him packed tight and numb. If he was to escape and not return to normal…he was paralyzed.

Lying alone in his mix matched tomb, Lavi's mind drifted off. _Where's Kanda. Where's my Yuu-chan?_ The silence of the ruins answered him. _He's not here. Where is he? Alive? Dead? Buried?_ Lavi's hand quivered in fear, the act of terror comforting Lavi as he knew he had control of his arms now. The scratched and bloodied fingers felt around and found a soft towel that had fell. Hiccuping back his tears, Lavi grasped the towel tightly. For a moment, it's soft fibers felt like a hand. The teen's battered hand shook as it held onto the towel. Until he was found, this was his only source of comfort. A small battered towel, in a small pile of wreckage.

Lavi could've sworn it'd been hours. He felt fatigued and drained. Sleep was so appealing, yet he was afraid to even rest his eyes. His eyes dart around the black hole frantically. If they stop, he might die. If he stops, he might die. If those who are looking for him stop, he might die. The swirling thought of death dragged him under. It was like an icy current, and he was atop a shallow rock in the middle. "Lavi" a voice in his head chimed. A top his rock, Lavi could imagine Bookman. His old shriveled hands folded behind his back neatly. "Lavi, jump in" he cooed, his soft voice audible over the roaring current. "If you have not made an impact on history…you will not splash. And the current will not harm you. You have nothing to leave behind, right?" Clutching that mental rock, Lavi shook his head furiously. "You're insane. By just being born someone can change history. I will splash, I admit it!" Bookman looked down disapprovingly. "Then the splash will pierce your soul like a thousand knives, dividing your good and bad actions. Deciding on whether to send you to 'heaven' or 'hell'" Lavi gulped as the water rose higher up onto the rock. " It will be cold, harsh, and cruel…like life with others. You will feel things in extremes and be helpless."

Helpless. That was what he…no…they were most afraid of. Yuu was afraid of being helpless in protecting himself and those he cares for. Lavi felt the word pierce through him as he choked back more tears. The water engulfed his feet and Bookman's illusion held out his shriveled hand once more. "Now Lavi, jump." The roaring current sped past Lavi's green eye as he broke into a cold sweat. "Jump, Lavi". His fingers dug into the rock, already partially submerged. "No. I won't." he stammered over the water's roar. The ghostly illusion of bookman smirked at the teen. "Now…Lavi…." it snickered. "JUMP IN" A thin nimble hand wrapped itself around Lavi's raw cut hands and pulled him into the water with great force.

There was a rush of water, shortness of breath, but most frightening…a splash.

---


End file.
